Andrew Wiggins: BETTER or WORSE than Jabari Parker?
Let’s take a look at the facts.
[DRAFT POSITION]
Wiggins: Drafted first overall
Parker: Drafted second overall
Who wins? Wiggins
[TEAM AS OF THIS WRITING]
Wiggins: Minnesota Timberwolves
Parker: Milwaukee Bucks
Who wins? Parker
[BASKETBALL SKILL]
Wiggins: This guy just straight-up scored in any way you could possibly want. His game is more complete than my collection of vintage McDonald’s glassware. If I didn’t know he was a rookie I would be surprised if you told me he was. He is the complete package.
Parker: This guy just straight-up scored in any way you could possibly want. Then his knee exploded and I don’t remember anything that happened after that.
Who wins: Wiggins, begrudgingly
[CRAFTINESS OF DUNKS]
Wiggins: Mostly dunked it in straightforward ways, with a few exceptions. Very rarely catches you off guard with the timing of his dunks.
Parker: You’d be like “oh he’ll just shoot a layup here” and then all of a sudden he’s up by the rim and he’s dunking the ball. I feel bad for his defenders. They must have seen all that puppy fat and assumed that he had no explosiveness. Well, he did. And not just in his knees either.
Who wins? Parker
[DURABILITY]
Wiggins: Avoided injury en route to playing the full 82-game slate
Parker: I don’t want to talk about it. Next question.
Who wins? GOD DAMN IT
[LINEAGE]
Wiggins: Son of Mitchell Wiggins, who played six seasons in the NBA and once averaged fifteen points per game with the Rockets.
Parker: Son of Sonny Parker, who played six seasons in the NBA and once averaged fifteen points per game with the Warriors.
Who wins? Dude, this is so creepy.
[HIGHLIGHT-WORTHINESS]
Wiggins: Had multiple high-scoring games that made for sick highlight videos which drew in a lot of traffic to my channel.
Parker: Didn’t really score a lot except in one game. I made highlight videos but some of them were a little sub-par and I only made them because I like the Bucks.
Who wins? Wiggins
[FATNESS]
Wiggins: Not fat
Parker: A little fat to start the season, but after his rehab he’s chiseled like Roman statuary.
Who wins? Wiggins
FINAL VERDICT: Andrew Wiggins is BETTER than Jabari Parker.
Part III: http://youtu.be/C9mpGFavS2Y