Jerami Grant frantically dialed the number of his former teammate, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute. “Luc, we got issues over here in Philly.”
Luc laughed. “Yeah, I’ll say. Oh-and-seventeen, that’s not so good.”
“I don’t even care about that right now,” Jerami replied. “The locker room is imploding as we speak. You gotta calm things down.”
“Our locker room would implode too if we sucked that bad. Oh wait, it already has,” said Luc.
Jerami sighed. “I already told you, nobody here cares about the wins and losses! But there’s a big argument on whether you have to put your thingy in a girl’s belly button to get her pregnant, or if it goes somewhere else. I think T.J. called it a ‘vuhjanum” or something. Everybody’s yelling and stuff, some of the guys even took off their pants to demonstrate, it’s so bad over here.”
Luc mumbled something that sounded like “it was just a joke.” Then he spoke more clearly. “Did you tell them what I told you? That the baby batter goes in the belly button to make babies?”
“Yeah, but then Nerlens said that you told him something different. And, come to think of it, I’ve stuck it in my girl’s belly button about two hundred times since we talked about it, and I still don’t have any babies running around my house. What’s up with that, Luc?” Jerami glanced over to where Nerlens was sitting on top of Isaiah Canaan and trying to pull a condom over the latter’s head against his will.
“Some girls have to do it one way, some girls another,” Luc answered smoothly. “You’re probably using too much contraception.”
A light clicked in Jerami’s mind. “Ohhhh. You’re right. I’ve been putting the condos on my fingers. I should leave those off if I want my girl to get pregnant.”
“Yep. Now, I gotta get going. Make sure to tell your team everything I told you. Some girls take it in the vuhjanum, and some in the belly button, and some will get pregnant if you touch their boobs with your fingers.”
“You’re the man,” Jerami said before ending the call. He then whistled to get everyone’s attention, and they stopped their arguments to look at him. “I just called Luc and he cleared it all up for us…”