Kids these days all want to wear t-shirts with big slogans written on them in block letters. I know this from experience driving by my local high school. I also know that they love any and all references to things having “swag”, especially when that thing is themselves. Being “swag” is essentially the #1 goal of every teenage male between the ages of 12 and 17. If you combine the two desires, you come up with t-shirts that have some variant of “swag” printed on them in huge letters. Many companies have made such t-shirts and profited handsomely from them.
So the question remains, why the heck can’t I sell any of these “$ean$wag” t-shirts I had printed? They even have a stylized image of Sean Kilpatrick’s head on them like those Che Guevara shirts you used to see tryhards wearing all the time. And what could be more swag than replacing the “S” in swag with a dollar sign? Kids these days also are obsessed with money. And internet porn. But I couldn’t put that on the shirt.
The fact remains that my whole place is stacked with boxes of these shirts and I’ve sold like five of them max, and those were all to my cousins who I’m pretty sure just felt sorry for me because I’ve never seen them wearing one. Is it because Kilpatrick isn’t yet a household name? That shouldn’t matter. As I said, teenage males will wear anything, I repeat, ANYTHING, that references “swag” in any way. Except, apparently, these t-shirts which I have in sizes ranging from XS for the manlets to XXXXL for the real tubbos.
I even hung out outside the high school with boxes of them and tried to sell them direct to the kids. You can guess how well that worked out. Somehow I got arrested. I don’t even know what I did.
If anybody out there on the world wide weberverse wants to buy a shirt, they’re $40 plus shipping. I have to make money somehow. Damn kids.