The Scepter of Blame glows red once again. It desires to apportion blame according to who was most at fault for the Nuggets playoff-hopes-crushing loss to the Russell Westbrooks! It is placed in the center of the dimly-lit room, surrounded by various Nuggets-related people and things. Let the ritual begin!
First, in spins itself in the direction of Danilo Gallinari and glows an accusatory crimson. Danilo, knowing that he cost his team the game by not scoring any points in the 4th after 22 in the 3rd, grimaces at the shame he feels. The glaring eyes of all in the room are on him, amazed at the scepter’s swift judgment.
Suddenly, the scepter changes its orientation, now pointing at Nikola Jokic. Jokic’s costly fouls, both flagrant and technical, gave Westbrook the motivation needed to win the game. If Jokic had never been born, the Nuggets would have won this game, and he knows it. He gets down on his knees and wails plaintively, ready, even eager, to receive whatever punishment the Scepter of Blame deems acceptable.
But no punishment is forthcoming. Instead, the kingly staff turns a deep shade of blue and begins spinning wildly. Abruptly, it stops, now directing its blame to Chris Marlowe, the Nuggets color commentator. Marlowe’s inane ramblings and butchery of various languages, foreign or otherwise, had such a negative affect on team morale that they could do nothing but plod through an increasingly desperate 4th quarter against the Thunder. Unable to handle the scepter’s accurate appraisal of the situation, he pulls out a handgun and promptly shoots himself in the temple. He falls to the floor, coating the stone floor with blood. The others in attendance sigh slightly. The ritual must surely be over!
It is not. In fact, it has only just begun. In its final act, the Scepter of Blame points itself at YOU! YOU ARE THE REASON THE NUGGETS LOST! BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T WATCH ENOUGH NUGGETS HIGHLIGHTS THIS YEAR! You cover your face, trying to shield yourself from the harsh red glare of deserved blame. But it is no use. The scepter has made its final judgment.