“Dear Father,
How is life in the homeland? Good I hope. Tell Nana that I miss her greatly and will endeavor to visit her as soon as possible. It may be not be for a while, however; the NBA season is long, but with hardly a break. My responsibility to score the ball is greater than ever, and I relish the challenge, but the stress becomes very great, sometimes.
Now we come to why I am writing. Auntie Marija’s idea to attempt a hair transplant with the hair of a gypsy was a good one, but it did not work. My baldness grows worse by the day, nay, by the hour! I am still hopeful that we are on the right track, however. If you could secure some more follicles for attempted transplantation, I would be very thankful. Do you know the general whereabouts of the gypsy clan who cursed our family to this fate? Hair from one of them would surely be the most potent. In any case, make sure that the sample is from a real, authentic gypsy. Remember that the old man who lives a few houses down is not really a Roma, but just a very loud, very drunk war veteran.
I can not afford another error. By the time the sample arrives by express transatlantic boat shipment, it may already be too late. Please, hurry.
Sincerely,
Your loving son, Bojan.”