Ben Simmons 21 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/26/2018)

“Dear Mr. Simmons,

Consider this letter to be official notification of your continued eligibility to appear on my YouTube channel. The All-Star teams having been revealed, and considering that you appear on neither team, I consider my position to be justified.

My legal representation has advised me that your threats of a lawsuit are frivolous at best and criminal at worst. There is no known legal precedent for suing the operator of a YouTube highlights channel in order to remove only those videos showing a specific player. If such a case were to go to court, you would lose, and I would extract a generous payout from you in compensation. As much as I would love to receive a large amount of money as a reward for challenging your indefatigable hubris, I would much rather avoid the inconvenience and hassle that a lawsuit will bring.

Please find enclosed a second envelope containing a selection of my finest pubic hairs. I have included these home-grown pubes as an example of something that would present a more coherent court case than your team of incompetent lawyers. Feel free to use my pubes as fit your needs.

Yours,

-DownToBuck”

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