January 2018 – Page 11

Dario Saric 21 Points Full Highlights (1/24/2018)

Am I the only one that thinks that thumbnail looks like some sort of Dario Saric impersonator rather than the real thing? Like they pulled some burly guy off the street, dressed him up in a Sixers jersey, gave him that weird haircut that kinda reminds me of a certain genocidal German, but forgot to…

Bobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (1/24/2018)

I consistently overestimate the interest that the average viewer has in Bobby “That Boy Ain’t Right” Portis. It’s been a long time since that punchout with Mirotic, and any extra attention he gained from that is gone. I also get the feeling that he’s sort of a relic on the Bulls, a remnant of a…

Wesley Matthews 29 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (1/24/2018)

Wesley “Consolation Prize” Matthews may be getting paid a ton of money, but at least he can still sort of play basketball. There a bunch of players getting paid out there who can’t. And it’s not like he’s even getting that much worse; he arrived in Dallas an okay-ish player, and an okay-ish player he…

Josh Jackson 20 Points Full Highlights (1/24/2018)

This was, you could say, a “vintage” Suns performance. Vintage in that they got their ass kicked to hell and back, just like they did at the beginning of the season. They came back to make the score semi-respectable, but don’t let the final total fool you: the Pacers opened a can of whoop-ass on…

Fred VanVleet 19 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/23/2018)

Fred “Prime Gerald Wallace” VanVleet’s final statline tonight: 19 points, 7 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals, 3 blocks. He got those stats not as a do-it-all small forward, but as a point guard who is, realistically, only like 5’10”. Yeah, the NBA lists him at 6 feet. They also list J.J. Barea at that height;…

Ben Simmons Triple Double 19 Pts/17 Rebs/14 Asts Full Highlights (1/24/2018)

Tonight was “Australian Heritage Night” at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, in honor of noted Australian basketball player Ben Simmons who, you guessed it, plays for Philly! It all makes so much sense. I don’t know what they did to celebrate Australian’s unique cultural contributions to the world other than showcase incredibly dangerous venomous…

Courtney Lee 20 Points Full Highlights (1/23/2018)

Since I know that nobody is going to watch this video (it’s Courtney Lee, after all), I am going to institute a new “highlight suitability” protocol to more accurately determine when a Courtney Lee highlight video needs to be made. It will use a proprietary algorithm, developed in-house, running on a state-of-the-art neural net, to…

Jarrett Allen 12 Points/1 Three Full Highlights (1/23/2018)

Jarrett Allen is a 43% three-point shooter. His only problem is his extremely low, bordering on anemic, volume from the threezone: he’s 3 of 7 for the season. That hardly qualifies him as a “stretch five”, but then again, maybe it does a little bit. It’s hard to extract meaningful information from so few shot…

Elfrid Payton 21 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/23/2018)

There was a period of time last season when it seemed like Elfrid Payton was getting a triple-double every other game. I’m sure the frequency wasn’t that high, but that’s what it felt like to me, since I was the one who had to make all those damn highlight videos. This year, however, Payton has…

Kyle Kuzma 28 Points Full Highlights (1/23/2018)

If there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that high-school to college-aged males love wearing T-Shirts that have references to marijuana on them. That’s why, when I came up with the phrase “Kyle Kushma” in reference to the popular Lakers rookie Kyle Kuzma, I immediately went out to the local shirt-printing place and ordered like…