I know that the concept of “open letters” is sort of played out. Really, an open letter is just an opinion piece but it’s directed at somebody. It’s like a more official version of a Twitter beef. That said, I’m going to write an open letter right now in this very description. This open letter is addressed to the person or team of persons responsible for the Charlotte Hornets broadcast. I have given it the title “An Open Letter to the Person or Team of Persons Responsible for the Charlotte Hornets Broadcast.”
“Dear sir or ma’am or sirs or ma’ms,
I know you put in a lot of work to make the Charlotte Hornets broadcast an enjoyable experience for both North Carolina viewers and viewers tuning in from all over the world. However, it is my honest opinion that you all suck balls at your jobs. Before you get all incredulous on me, hear me out. I wouldn’t risk my pristine online reputation by writing an open letter which contains unsubstantiated accusations or unfair claims. I’ve got reasons.
Reason 1 that I think you all suck balls: when Miles Bridges was going ham all over the Orlando Magic, you were loath to show replays of his shots. One occasion specifically comes to mind: a half-minute after a clean, pure three-pointer from Bridges, Terrence Ross got fouled. The pause in play would have been a perfect time to show a replay of Bridges’ three-pointer. Instead, Charlotte fans were presented with unnecessary shots of Ross’ cornrowed head.
The fans do not need to know what Terrence Ross looks like. They already know. They’ve been watching him all game. And if they didn’t know what he looked like, shots of his face are still not as important as replays of a talented rookie making significant on-court contributions.
Reason 2 that I think you all suck balls: when you did show a replay of Bridges’ putback dunk, it was just one angle followed by a shot of a bench reaction that wasn’t even that good. The fans deserve multiple angles.
Reason 3 that I think you all suck balls: I actually don’t have a third reason but a list, by rule, must have three items in it. If a list has two items in it, it isn’t a list.
So that’s it. My open letter is over now and the whole internet will read it and agree with me.
Sincerely,
-DownToBuck.”