“Dear Diary,
Things are going very badly here in Minnesota. Every passing day brings me closer to the termination of my employment. The relationship between coaching and ownership, always a strained one, is irreparable at this point. My locker room is in shambles, my players hate each other, the fans hate me, and we’re not winning any games. Still, my thoughts are far away from all these things, and my mind is instead occupied with one thing:
My hatred for Nemanja Bjelica.
I hate that guy so much. When he was on my teams, I could limit his minutes as I saw fit. With his limited minutes came limited production, and I used that as my excuse to not play him. Now he’s far away from me in Sacramento and I watch him have success and it enrages me, because there is nothing I can do to stop it. I hate him. I hate him with every molecule of my being.
I don’t know what third-world backwater European country that loser is from, but wherever it is, I bet it’s terrible there. If I ever had an offer to coach in Europe, I would take a job coaching middle-schoolers instead. It just occurred to me that he could be from Australia or Argentina too since those places also have white people with weird names. Both those places suck just as much as Europe does. You know they suck because Nemanja won some kind of MVP or something while playing there. The only award he deserves is “the player who is the most trash ever in NBA history” award.
Today I called up Dave Joerger in Sacramento and told him that Nemanja is a locker-room cancer and they should probably just waive him. It didn’t work. Then he wanted to talk to me about Jimmy Butler trades so I told him the asking price was five first round picks and Buddy Hield, but that if they try to include Nemanja at the last second I’m coming over there to kick Vlade’s ass personally because I hate Nemanja and never want to see his stupid face ever again. That’s when Dave hung up the phone. I was just trying to be friendly by warning him that Nemanja sucks and that his 26 points were fake stats. He was statpadding the whole game. I was watching.
If Nemanja keeps getting minutes in Sacramento maybe I will trade for him so that he can stop getting minutes. But it would have to be a three-team trade because I don’t think anybody there is going to be picking up my calls after I made fart noises at Dave through the phone.
I hate Nemanja Bjelica so god damn much. Thanks for listening, Diary.
-Tommy Thibodeau”