November 9, 2018 – Page 2

JaVale McGee 16 Points/6 Dunks Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

When I heard that Tyson Chandler was getting moved from the Suns to the Lakers, I had one thought and one thought only: under no circumstances should JaVale McGee’s minutes be reduced as a consequence of this new roster addition. For the first time in a long time, McGee has been getting the minutes that…

Derrick Rose 31 Points/5 Assists/7 Threes Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

Seven three-pointers marks a career-high for Derrick Rose in that category. It’s also, somewhat surprisingly to me, tied for fourth most three-point makes in a game this season. Klay had 14, Steph had 11, and Redick had 8; then, a bunch people made seven in a game, putting Derrick Rose among the elite company of…

Willie Cauley-Stein 24 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

I don’t even remember what Willie Cauley-Stein looks like as normal human being anymore. I try to think back to when he was a rookie, but all my mind can recall is his moldy-Cheeto hair, grill, and sub-ocular tattoos that look like bruises. He’s got a look, I’ll give him that. He walks onto the…

Jaren Jackson 20 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

Man, that Summer League game where Jaren Jackson hit nothing but a ton of threes is looking like the world’s biggest statistical aberration right now. He was 8 of 13 (thirteen threes holy balls) from deep that game. After tonight’s game, he’s 5 of 24 in the regular season over 10 games. It felt unsustainable…

Wendell Carter 17 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

Wendell Carter: squarest-headed player in the league? I would make a power rankings with him at the top, but I can’t think of any other players that are even close to his perfect rectangularity. The thumbnail doesn’t make it as apparent, but frontal views fully show his right-angled and equal-sided visage. This is the kind…

Jabari Parker 20 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

I’m obsessed with the idea of win-shares. They’re my favorite “advanced” stat. I have no idea how they work, what they’re supposed to be measuring, or what makes them better than other stats. I like them because I can see them easily on basketball-reference, the only NBA stats site that I can use without wanting…

Pascal Siakam 21 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

I don’t play sports video games much anymore, but I am well aware of the concept of “cheesing”. It’s when you do the same move/play/ability over and over because of how over-powered it is, instead of actually playing the game like a normal human being (implying it isn’t normal to want to find flaws in…

Evan Fournier 27 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

Whatever thing Evan Fournier did with his hair to make it look like he still had all of it isn’t working anymore. If my theory of “spray-spainted sawdust stuck on with a glue stick” is correct, that stuff will definitely erode over time. If he did something fancier, like with an actual doctor, he needs…

Dennis Schröder 28 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

No Russell Westbrook, no problem. Dennis Schröder is a reasonable approximation, the only difference is that he’s not a stat-padder. Well, one of two differences. The other difference is that he’s not really interested in passing the ball (as if Westbrook would be if he didn’t have to do it to get triple-doubles). Schröder’s assist…

Luka Doncic 24 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

I’m feeling a Luke Doncic floater-ilation coming at the end of the season. No guarantees, because that would be harder than my usual compilation (three-pointers and dunks are easier to quantify than what exactly a floater is), but it would be probably the sickest thing ever. Sicker than the Dirk fadeaway-ilations I made. Those got…