If I had known that Derrick Rose, he of the multiple knee surgeries, was going to average nearly twenty points per game at age thirty (remember, he’s had multiple knee surgeries, his knee tendons were actually replaced with extra-thick rubber bands), I would have had to think long and hard about his OFFICIAL DTB EXCLUSION STATUS. But I went into this season assuming that he would be constrained to the “low minutes backup guard” role that he commanded last season.
Rose has definitely been one of the feel-good stories of this season; he nullified the forces of Father Time, he struck his name from the list of entries in Father Injury’s book of injuries, and he grabbed Father Minutes by the ballsack and twisted hard until he got the minutes he wanted. I might not be feeling all that good about the whole situation since I am wracked by anxiety regarding his OFFICIAL DTB EXCLUSION STATUS, but the normal NBA fan, who does not have to fret about the maintenance of a genre-leading NBA highlights channel, is loving every bit of Rose’s renaissance.
By the way, the “Father Minutes” guy I referred to earlier is actually just Tom Thibodeau, and the ballsack thing was just a metaphor. Hopefully Rose didn’t actually touch his coach in his private area. That would be grounds for suspension.