Just four days ago I wrote these words which I have now come to deeply regret:
“Tyler Herro is OFFICIALLY DownToBuck’s preferred unpigmented Wisconsin-born Wisconsin-raised male NBA player.”
Can you believe that garbage actually came out of my mouth? I want to believe that I was forced at gunpoint by Tyler Herro-aligned cronies to write those words in a video description, but, alas, I cannot lie: the words which I wrote represented my true opinions at the time. I preferred Tyler Herro, the worthless scrublord playing for a non-contender to Matt Thomas, the high-impact role-player playing for a truly contending Raptors squad.
Hold on. I’m going to be sick.
That splattery, watery sound you just heard was me vomiting vile chunks of PURE REGRET into my toilet at 50 MPH (that’s 80 KMH for the Canadiacs out there). How could I forsake Matt Thomas so blatantly? After making so many highlight videos for him where his elite jumpshooting was clearly on display time and time again?
I can only come to the conclusion that my fickle, white, Wisconsinoid mind will latch onto whichever white Wisconsinoid player has most recently had a good game. And now that Thomas has scored 22 (clearly more than Herro’s 17 from tonight), my allegiances lie squarely with Thomas. But who’s to say what the future holds? I might shamefully, maybe even secretly, come to prefer Herro if he plays well in the coming days.
Did you hear that? More vomiting. But this time it was because I ate some shrimp and I think I’m developing a shellfish allergy.