Eric Gordon, prior to tonight, had not been a good shooter in the Rockets-Thunder series. At all. 4-of-26 from three? According to my math (which is actually just me hitting random buttons in Windows’ built-in calculator while sobbing), that’s 15%. That is straight up booty. Not only is that straight up booty, that is straight up BOOTY CHEEKS. I’m looking at his contract right now (the one that will pay him 21 million dollars at age 35) and it actually makes me feel bad for Rockets fans. Usually when I think about fans of championship contenders suffering misfortune, it makes me happy. Not so in this case.
Now, I’m not going to insinuate that Eric Gordon had a good game tonight to spite me and all the other haters out there on the internetubes who were posting all kinds of hating hater posts. That would be ludicrous. Gordon is only out there to win games, and if he proves the haters wrong in the process, that’s all well and good, but his primary goal is to play well and help his team.
That said, Eric Gordon has probably read enough of my video descriptions that he has developed deep personal animosity towards me. He knew that tonight was the perfect night to send a message, that message being “DownToBuck is a stupid know-nothing who should go lick sweaty donkeyhole.” And he sent that message directly into my stupid brain by shooting (checks boxscore) 3-of-8 from three.
The message was received loud and clear. I will no longer make fun of Eric Gordon for taking more shots than James Harden but barely making any of them. I will also not make fun of his depressingly low three-point percentages since they aren’t even that low in the series anymore. 20% isn’t low, is it? I don’t consider that to be a low percentage at all.