Every NBA Player’s First Field Goal This Season (2019-20 Season Full-ilation Part II)


Part two of my NBA full-ilation is already chock-full of players who weren’t even considered to be average role-players by their respective fanbases. Can you believe there’s an entire TWO VIDEOS full of players who are worse than these guys? If you’re not feeling a tingling sensation in your “special zone”, you need to get that zone checked out.

0:15 Goaltends count as buckets. If this is not to your liking, please write to Adam Silver and petition him to add a separate column in the box-score for “goaltended FGM”.

0:19 There’s a Mavs fan getting hyped in the front row. Nobody punched him because the Pelicans don’t have any real fans. Everybody you see in the arena is a tourist.

0:35 Quinn Buckner alleges that “this is what Aaron Holiday does”. Then he repeats it, as if trying to convince himself of the lie he just uttered.

0:45 That’s the play they used to run with Tony Snell. 🙁

0:49 That was a HARSH layup. Some layups are gentle and graceful. Culver’s first NBA bucket was not either of those things.

1:14 This was lowkey a crazy circus shot.

1:24 If Gary Harris had followed my projected career trajectory for him, not only would he be in Part I instead of Part II, but he would be top 50 in the league in FGM, and he would also have a ring by now.

2:06 Zion Williamson fanboys can stop watching now. You probably don’t care about any of the players that come after this. Or any of the players that came before this.

2:10 I bet the Zion Williamson fanboys who unwisely continued watching this video don’t even know who Derrick Favors is. My disdain for NBA casuals knows no bounds.

2:14 Shades of…Dillon Brooks? Yeah, I’m going with it.

2:49 Danny Green set Lakers fans’ expectations way too high here.

3:17 I’m gonna say it: I miss Lob City. What part is Blake Griffin in, anyway? Is he in Part III? If he was in part IV, would that make me cry?

3:43 Rare example of a successful one-on-five fast break.

3:48 Somebody says “HELL NAH” as Noel takes this baby stepback jimbo. Uttering this phrase of disbelief is either Emmanuel Mudiay, Donovan Mitchell, Jeff Green, Joe Ingles, or Rudy Gobert. Or a fan. Or one of Noel’s teammates. Or Noel himself.

4:13 Whenever the Nuggets are losing, their commentators get obsessed with taking more shots in the paint. I get that way too when I’m playing pickup and I’m stuck on a team with a bunch of losers who can’t shoot but think they’re all Trae Young. Meanwhile I’m over here being prime Corey Brewer 2.0 minus the athleticism and headbands.

4:55 If I type “Cam Reddish” here, this video will probably come up when you search “Cam Reddish” on YouTube. And the more I type “Cam Reddish”, the higher in the results this video will be. Cam Reddish. Cam Reddish. Cam Reddish Fight.

5:12 Jordan Poole might have just had one of the worst-efficiency seasons in NBA history, but he still gets to be in Part II.

5:37 That “hot potato” should have been a “brick potato”. See, I can make jokes.

5:43 Jeff Green made thirteen right-corner threes all season. I guess that counts as a “sweet spot”?

6:00 Knowing what we know about the durability of Jonathan Isaac’s knees, I’m surprise he was still mobile after this Euro step.

6:04 I cut off additional commentary from the Raptors’ commentators where they espouse the opinion that a Rondae Hollis-Jefferson midrange jimbo was a desirable outcome for the play. At this point, RHJ attempting a shot is not how you want ANY possession to conclude.

6:20 An object lesson in the poor quality of KAT’s defense.

6:46 I wonder if Patrick Beverley spent this entire game yapping to the Lakers about championships. That seems like something he would do.

6:50 Back-to-back buckets from two Bucks players who were deemed too garbagey to get any run in the playoffs.

7:09 It wouldn’t be a DownToBuck video description without at least one mention of a REVENGE GAME.

7:14 I spent a long time debating whether to type “Maurice” or “Moe” here. I tried to look back on what I use in the titles of the Harkless highlight videos on my channel, but I’m not consistent there either.

7:40 Ever since Marv Albert messed up Nicolo Melli’s name during the first game of the 2019-20 NBA season, I call him “Mell”. And I can’t stop.

7:53 There are two Jacksons in a row at this point. Pause the video now and try to guess the next one. If you guessed Darnell Jackson, you’re officially my new best friend. You’re also officially a moron.

8:32 Instead of a nice clean alley-oop, we got a tip-in where nobody could tell who actually touched the ball, and we got Thomas Bryant lying dead on the baseline while Darius Bazley tries to decide if he should touch the corpse or not.

8:59 Somebody please tell me why coaches hate this guy. I just don’t understand. SERBIA DEMANDS ANSWERS

9:10 Gasol and Westbrook should start a support group.

9:35 Jerome Robinson being in Part II is a slap in the face to all basketball fans.

Part III: https://youtu.be/g5XW6KJWb5E

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