Part three of my NBA full-ilation and we’re still okay…kinda. The players shown in this part aren’t good, but they’re not terrible either. Many of them are the types of players that will get significant minutes for only small stretches of the season, to step in for teammates’ injuries or simply because the coaches want to see what they’ll do in a bigger role. That said, casual fans will be completely unaware of the existence of these guys. Casual fans, it’s not too late to turn back.
0:00 Time to binge-watch Thybulle’s vlog again.
0:16 The problem with compressing these clips into short timeframes is that it’s sometimes hard to figure out what’s happening in a given play.
0:23 I think Bob Rathbun said “slays it home” here because he was expecting Fernando to dunk it. A combination of “slams it home” and “lays it home”.
0:30 Sickest thrunk of the season.
0:34 Jevon Carter is behind Vince Carter in my full-ilation and all is right with the world. Except this horrible-looking shot that somehow went in.
0:43 Sickest thrunk of the season.
0:55 Jim Petersen sounds pissed off.
0:59 A real fan would get his name right.
1:25 This is the kind of goofy stuff that John Henson is allowed to do when everybody knows from the outset that the Cavs are going to absolutely suck for the entire season.
1:38 Gafford had five more dunks in this game. Is that more dunks than Cristiano Felicio had all season? No. It’s the same amount of dunks.
1:52 George Blaha had to check the stat sheet AND his pronunciation guide before finally confirming that it was Sekou Doumbouya making the shot.
2:17 This season, I’m looking forward to Blake Griffin squeezing 20 PPG out of his injury-ravaged body until he reinjures himself sometime in late January.
2:21 Am I interpreting this correctly? Treveon Graham was an OPENING NIGHT STARTER?
2:40 Never forget that the Baconator once scored 50 in a G-League game. Actually, do forget it. That performance is in no way indicative of how effective he is in real NBA games.
3:05 Would this have been offensive goaltending were it not for the foul right before? I think yes. Does that mean that this bucket shouldn’t have counted? Again, I think yes.
3:21 Did I spell “Terrance” correctly? Who cares.
3:32 GIVE US BACK ARCHIE GOODWIN RIGHT NOW
3:59 It took Rodney McGruder six games and 63 minutes of court time before he finally lost his 2019-20 bucket virginity.
4:17 I feel like I’m hearing boos but I don’t know what they mean.
4:40 Are you hyped yet, Pistons fans?
4:43 I’m sure that Grant Williams does indeed know how to finish, but I’m not quite sure how that’s relevant to this play.
5:05 Getting paid 27 million dollars, yet only appearing in Part III? I think I just discovered a new way to qualitatively measure the badness of a contract.
5:14 I don’t blame the commentator at all for refusing to try to pronounce Anzjzeszjz Paszcezkjzjezsniksz
5:41 Bubble debuts are the best kind of debut, but this one doesn’t really count.
6:12 If your own commentator is calling out your travel, that means that you traveled, and that means I’m doing the Chris Duhon travel dance.
6:22 Sick defensive effort.
6:38 Carsen Edwards hit eight threes in a single quarter in the preseason. He would go on to make all of 24 threes during the entire regular season, not the 2,624 that you would expect after doing the math.
6:57 I never realized that Courtney Lee was still on a roster at any point in the 2019-20 season.
7:00 If Harden and Westbrook both end up departing the Rockets, I want Brunco Caboclo to be their new centerpiece. I will pay at least six dollars to make this happen.
7:08 Reminder that Heat fans were OVERJOYED for their team to have the privilege of overpaying Andre Iguodala and his 4 PPG and his “championship experience”.
7:18 Both Martins converted an alley-oop for their first NBA buckets. The potential for twin jokes has never been higher than it is right now.
7:40 Still the best name in the NBA. If you disagree, we can throw fists over it, but when you successfully beat me into submission after just two punches, you’ll still be wrong and I’ll still be right. No amount of punches will ever change that.
7:44 Comparing Cristiano Felicio to Giannis Antetokounmpo seems perfectly valid.
7:48 Tim Frazier: better than Steph Curry?
7:57 “Tougher than walrus gristle,” says Eric Collins as I nod sagely.
8:02 Boop…Cameron Payne…bumbum…bumbum…
8:09 This was Looney’s only three-point make of the season, so don’t get your hopes up.
8:17 The Otto Porter rule is invoked again here. Except Batum wasn’t even injured. He just wasn’t playable.
8:29 Witness Nicolas Claxton have a spaz attack all the way to the bucket. Except he kinda got stonewalled by Anthony Tolliver and just chucked the ball up anyway.
8:42 I thought this was Briante Weber. I wish it was Briante Weber.
8:54 Some extra-curricular hugging going on after this play.
Part IV: https://youtu.be/I-6zTvpvEp0