When we got into the zoo, I reminded my 12-foot-tall 3D-printed purple plastic sentient naked statue of Buddy Hield that we had to be really, really careful. I told him that the people who run the zoo don’t like it if people come in after it’s closed for the night, even if they don’t intend to do any bad things like steal the animals or break into the gift shop. Buddy patted me on the top of the head, which must have been his way of saying “Don’t worry best friend, I’ll be careful.”
I turned on my flashlight so that we could make our way out of the patch of trees that we were in. It was easy enough for me to navigate between the branches, but Buddy is almost the height of a tree himself (he’s twelve feet tall) so it took him a while. He was trying to be careful and not break any branches, since that would make a lot of noise, but he couldn’t help it. Every time he rustled the leaves or a branch snapped off, I got anxious. In the middle of the night, in a perfectly quiet zoo, every sound is magnified.
Finally, Buddy emerged from the trees onto the path. Even though it was dark, Buddy knew exactly where we were in the zoo. He had done so much research on the internet before we left, I think he had the entire zoo map memorized. So he started walking confidently down the path and all I had to do was follow him. He was so excited to see the goats in the petting zoo that he forgot himself and started walking faster than I could keep up with, so I had to sprint up to him and remind him to keep his strides short so my little human legs could keep pace.
Soon the winding path had taken us right to the petting zoo and in the bright beam of my flashlight I could see all the sleeping goats on the ground. I could tell Buddy was really stoked about getting to see goats again, but he was respectful of their slumber and didn’t just run in there and start playing with them. Instead, he stepped over the kid-sized fence but made sure to rattle it just enough so that the goats would wake up.
Goats in the petting zoo are pretty dumb. If they see a human (or a gigantic purple plastic statue that looks like a human) they’ll immediately go nuts because they think food is on the way. That’s what these goats did. As they woke up, they all started walking towards Buddy, shaking their little tails and making little goat noises.
I was hanging back keeping watch for any sign of security guards, but I did remember that I had special-ordered some goat food pellets off the internet for our trip. I’m not gonna get ripped off by the zoo to buy their goat pellets from the goat pellet vending machine. I tore open the package and handed it it Buddy so that he could start feeding the goats. Of course, the goats went even more berserk when he got the food into his giant oversized palm and held it out for them. Buddy couldn’t stop laughing to himself as their little tongues reached out to grab the food. While they were busy eating, he would pet their heads and backs with his other hand. I won’t lie, I was a little jealous, because the goats looked really soft and well cared-for. But I had to stay vigilant because if somebody caught us, they could arrest me, and I don’t know what would happen to Buddy after that. He would just wander around an unfamiliar city until something bad happened to him.
There were maybe fifteen goats there and once they had all gotten some food they didn’t want to go back to sleep, they wanted more attention from Buddy who was happy to give it to him. He even picked one up and nuzzled his face against the goat’s face. The goat didn’t really like that so Buddy put him down really quickly. Buddy’s really respectful of all living creatures unless they’re muggers who are trying to steal stuff from me. Then he just kills them.
It had been a long time with no sign of security even though Buddy and the goats were making a significant amount of noise, which was good because I wanted Buddy to be able to play with the goats as long as possible. He was so happy, and that made me really happy too. I just hoped it would never end and we could be there for hours. He’s my best friend.