Why can’t the Pelicans win a game? They’re 0-6 right now even with Anthony Davis beasting. Here’s a list I came up with which is entitled “DTB’s List of Reasons Why the Pelicans Can’t Win a Game”:
-Tyreke Evans is trapped under a mountain of beads on Bourbon Street
-Anthony Davis shoots too many threes
-Eric Gordon’s head is a perfect sphere rather than the prolate spheroids of his teammate’s heads, leading to chemistry issues
-Luke Babbitt or something, I don’t know
-Uniforms are too swag to get sweaty, so nobody tries on the court
-Pelicans aren’t very intimidating except to fish, but there are no fish-themed teams in the NBA
-If I’m making a list about you, you just suck
-Stephen Curry