“Hey Patrick, it was really nice of you to invite me over,” said Francisco Garcia, standing at the front door to Patrick’s apartment. “It’s nothing. I just, figure, you know, we’re teammates, we should hang out sometimes. For chemistry, or whatever,” Patrick responded. “Watch out for Woofers, he really likes licking strangers.” As they entered…
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Trey Burke 20 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2014)
Trey “Treyburkulosis” Burke is causing consternation among Jazz fans because of some perceived deficiencies in his game. Namely, that he can’t even shoot 35 percent this year. I don’t know what the big deal is. He shot 38 percent last year, and it’s not like he was going to magically get better at shooting over…
Read MoreRobert Covington 14 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2014)
Man, I can’t believe I get to do Robert Covington highlights. I was just waiting for him to beast out with the Rockets, and it never happened. He was beasting out in the D-League, sure, but it’s not the same. After he got let go by Houston I thought the dream was over, and Covington…
Read MoreBen McLemore 22 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (11/22/2014)
Ben McLemore was taking a pleasant stroll through an especially blighted section of Sacramento. It was late at night, and he knew this particular neighborhood wasn’t exactly safe, but he liked the atmosphere. The golden-yellow street lights, the abandoned buildings, the run-down infrastructure, it was a soothing remembrance of his past. It was also totally…
Read MoreMirza Teletovic 22 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2014)
The Nets are broken again. Only one offseason removed from advancing to the second round of the playoffs, they look like the same old Nets as before. I blame, in descending order: Jason Kidd, Brook Lopez, Deron Williams, and Jerome Jordan. Notice the absence of Mirza Teletovic in that list. That’s because he’s been pretty…
Read MoreNerlens Noel 17 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2014)
The 76ers are going to be hard pressed to win 5 games this year. They had a decent (meaning 10% or so) chance at victory tonight against the horrible Knicks, and they only managed to lose by 8. That’s pretty good, imagine a few extra shots dropping and they’d be celebrating like it’s game 7….
Read MoreAndre Iguodala 17 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2014)
After getting beat up in the driveway of his own home by a crazed Harrison Barnes, Andre Iguodala has come to realize that, at this point in his career, he might be best as a sixth man kinda guy. I think this role can work out for him as long as his jumpshot switch remains…
Read MoreBruno Caboclo 8 Points/1 Dunk Raptors Debut Full Highlights (11/21/2014)
I’m super envious right now. The last time people were chanting my name was in the school cafeteria, when they wanted me to drink a huge jug full of tomato soup and chocolate milk combined. I drank the stuff, I thought they were my friends. Then they laughed. I can still hear their mockery, even…
Read MoreAlexey Shved 15 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (11/21/2014)
You know your team’s season has gone down the tubes when your commentators talk about an inferior sport in the middle of game action. During last night’s blowout loss, Mark Zumoff and Malik Rose actually discussed FOOTBALL (not the European kind) during the game. Not during timeouts or breaks. During the actual game. Not just…
Read MoreJaVale McGee 14 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (11/21/2014)
“JaVale, could you please put some clothes on?” asked a visibly annoyed Wilson Chandler. “Ain’t nobody want to see that stuff.” JaVale McGee made no move to clothe himself. “Some of us are comfortable with our bodies, Wilson. We all see each other naked in the shower, and as a man of maturity, it neither…
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