Dirk Nowitzki sat down at his desk, finally having made himself ready for this task of greatest import. Getting out the flamboyant feather pen that he kept around for occasions such as these, he looked at the blank parchment in front of him, wondering if he would know what to write. He had never been…
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Ray Allen 16 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (6/5/2014)
Ray Allen is 38 years old and can still get up there to dunk. In contrast, I’m in the prime of my life and I get excited if my fingers graze the net. It would be fair to ask, “What did I do in a past life for God to punish me so?” But let’s…
Read MoreJosh McRoberts All 31 Dunks Full Highlights (2013-2014 Dunkilation)
Josh McRoberts opened his eyes to find himself in a dimly-lit arena. The court bore no team-specific insignia, and there was nobody in the darkened stands. “Not this dream again,” he groaned, eying the basketball that sat at center court. “I know what’s going to happen when I pick up that ball. It’s going to…
Read MoreRussell Westbrook All 30 Dunks Full Highlights (2013-14 Dunkilation)
30 dunks. That’s it. You know who else dunked it 30 times? Tyler Zeller. Stick to your crappy pull-up midrange jumpers, Russ. Aw come on man, you know I was just playing. You know I think you are one of the sickest dunkers in the league, man. Who would think a little dude like you…
Read MoreJeremy Evans All 59 Dunks Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Dunkilation)
There is a weird phenomenon that happens with the NBA dunk contest: it gets worse every year! I can’t go back all the way to where things started to go wrong, but I can start with 2006, the year things really went to pot. 2006: Nate Robinson takes like a hundred attempts to dunk and…
Read MoreMirza Teletovic All 136 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Three-ilation)
Let’s play a game! Out of all of Mirza Teletovic’s three-point field goals this season, how many were unassisted? I’ll give you a minute to ponder. Okay, enough pondering! If your answer was anything but “four”, you’re wrong and stupid and no longer allowed to watch my videos, because “four” is the correct answer. I…
Read MoreChris Bosh 25 Points Full Highlights (5/30/2014)
Chris Bosh sat comfortably in his bed, propped up in a veritable nest of pillows. In his hands was a copy of Leo Tolstoy’s “Анна Каренина.”, or “Anna Karenina”. As Chris read each word, he found himself engrossed in the worlds that they shaped. “This is truly a masterwork of Russian realist fiction,” he thought…
Read MoreRashard Lewis 18 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (5/28/2014)
Rashard “Rashart” Lewis is famous for two things: getting ridiculously overpaid to the tune of 21 million in one year, and having an odd-looking stroke on his shot. The only good thing I can say about that abominable shooting motion is that it’s fun to use in NBA 2K. I can’t believe that thing was…
Read MoreDamian Lillard All 218 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Three-ilation)
Across the land of Port The frost-covered moors Will hold their court For aeons past and to come A pallor heavily hangs From horizon to horizon And though the winds may change The fog will always prevail Twelve men take the path In number, strong, in strength, weak Advancing through the wrath The fallen haunt…
Read MoreLuis Scola 12 Points Full Highlights (5/26/2014)
Luis “Scolar Bear” Scola should be handed the reins of the offense in game five. I’m not even being funny here. Nobody on the Pacers has shown any competitive spirit beyond the minimal amount required to play in the NBA in the first place; Scola will show that spirit as long as you mention to…
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