“If I ever upload Blake Griffin highlights I encourage you to unsubscribe.” -DownToBuck, 4-20-2014 They say the fall of the Roman Empire was precipitated by the death of Theodosius I and the subsequent sacking of Rome by the Visigoths. These events, combined with the ever-growing malaise of the population, various plagues, the ceding of defense…
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Jeremy Lamb 13 Points Full Highlights (5/21/2014)
Who to blame for this 77-112 loss for the Thunder? Scott Brooks’ amateur play calling? Kevin Durant’s mom? Russell Westbrook’s chuck-self-out-of-slump tendencies? Serge Ibaka’s fragile, unreliable body? Kendrick Perkins’ stone hands and nonexistent touch? Jeremy Lamb’s failed glam metal/sleaze rock band, Jeremy and the Little Lambs, the failure of which has caused an irreparable rift…
Read MoreManu Ginobili 18 Points Full Highlights (5/19/2014)
You’d think that, with the amount of money Manu Ginobili makes, he would be able to afford the latest and greatest hair-restoration treatment. I mean, that bald spot haunts both my dreams and my waking hours. If I close my eyes, I do not see blackness; I see a large, empty patch of scalp ringed…
Read MoreChris Andersen 14 Points/3 Dunks/2 Blocks Full Highlights (5/18/2014)
There’s a saying, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” I feel this way about Chris Andersen (AKA Birdbro) and his former mohawk. I used to hate that thing, which I viewed as a ploy for attention much like his tattoos and facial hair. Now, I crave any amount of creativity, however forced,…
Read MoreStephen Curry All 261 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Three-ilation)
“Quit making so much noise! You’re going to wake them up!” Stephen chastised his teammate, Klay. “Remember the plan. Get in and get out.” “Yeah, yeah, I remember the plan,” retorted Klay testily, his words somewhat dampened by the black ski mask covering his head. “You only went over it like a million times before…
Read MoreKyle Korver All 185 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2013-2014 Season Three-ilation)
You know, sometimes misfortune just walks up to you and kicks you right in the nards. This is one of those times. I’ve been seeing this chick for a few months. It’s been working out pretty well so she moved in to my place a few weeks ago. She’s a full-time salesperson at Burlington Coat…
Read MoreDanny Green 22 Points Full Highlights (5/14/2014)
Danny Green, or as I have taken to calling him, “Danny Greenger”, hasn’t been as consistent in the playoffs as Spurs fans had hoped. When he’s on, he’s easily one of the most valuable players on the team. When’s he’s off, all he does is scare people with a face that looks like it was…
Read MoreMason Plumlee All 116 Dunks Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Dunkilation)
Weeks before the 2013-14 NBA season was due to start, brothers Miles and Mason Plumlee were drinking root beers outside their childhood home in Warsaw, Indiana. “I bet I dunk it way more than you next season,” Miles boasted. “The Suns are tanking next season and they’re not going to want to go out and…
Read MoreMatt Barnes 16 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (5/13/2014)
In the future, when we have robot refs (running on open-source software that anybody can audit), we will enjoy peace of mind knowing that every NBA game is officiated fairly and without bias. But something will be lost: the ability to make really mad posts about reffing on the internet. There is a whole subclass…
Read MoreMarcin Gortat Career High 31 Points/16 Rebounds Full Highlights (5/13/2014)
What just happened? I am stunned. The ball clearly went off Jackson. Wait. Wrong game. Messed up my notecards again. Off to the archives! Okay. I’m back. I really should upgrade my technology. What just happened? I am stunned. Marcin Gortat just had the game of his life against an all-star center (heh) with his…
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