If there is one word to describe John Collins tonight, it would be “active”. That’s right, no jokes here, there were so many funny words I could’ve put there instead but instead of being funny and wry I’m going to pummel you with hard-hitting analysis. Ready? This is some real powerful stuff. Don’t go into…
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Allen Crabbe 20 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2017)
Allen Crabbe is getting paid hella bucks. You know it, the Nets know it, my cat Japurri Purrker knows it, and Crabbe himself is especially aware. The Nets are the ones who offered him that contract in the first place, so I’m sure that they’re not too bothered, but I feel like the average fan…
Read MoreTony Snell 17 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
OFFICIAL ATTRIBUTES OF TONY SNELL POWER RANKINGS 1. He’s not Michael Carter-Williams 2. He shoots three-pointers really well 3. If he’s overpaid, it’s only by a little bit 4. He allegedly plays defense (I personally don’t care if he plays defense or not) 1. He’s not Michael Carter-Williams 5. He’s low-usage so he fits in…
Read MoreIman Shumpert 21 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
“Dear Diary, Today I showed coach Lue that I should be the starter and not that idiot J.R. or old-ass D-Wade. With those two scrubs on the court they let the Magic destroy them, and the Magic aren’t even a good team. If I had been out there and the beginning I would have played…
Read MoreSerge Ibaka 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
I know that this is a Serge Ibaka video and I’m supposed to write a description about Serge Ibaka. But I don’t want to write about Serge Ibaka. I want to write about Raptors commentator Matt Devlin and how he turns every made three-pointer into a geography quiz. We get it, dude. You know the…
Read MoreJakob Poeltl 14 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
The Raptors’ center situation can be viewed, not as a clash of basketball players and their respective talents, but as a geopolitically-charged morass that’s waiting to explode at any moment. With Valanciunas represnting Lithuania, Poeltl representing Austria, and Nogueira representing Brazil, you can bet that the embassies of these countries are watching the situation very…
Read MoreMario Hezonja 11 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
Last season, Mario Hezonja regressed so hard that it was like he was literally travelling backwards through time and having his ability to play basketball stripped from him. His haircut game was on point, but the rest of his game was off point. Magic fans were turning on him, and maybe even the people of…
Read MoreDomantas Sabonis 18 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
Domantas Sabonis has only appeared in three games for the Pacers so far (can’t really blame him), but already he’s thrown down two and a half posterizing dunks. One in his debut, and one and a half tonight. He had one all of last year. What does this mean, this sudden and heretofore unexpressed desire…
Read MoreJoe Ingles 19 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
Joe “The Trevally from Happy Valley” Ingles pretty much put on a show tonight. Stepback threes, a shoulder check from Steven Adams, regular threes, a bunch of trash talk directed at rookie Terrance Ferguson for some reason (not a good look to trash talk a rookie, my man), and an ankle breaker. Aren’t you hyped?…
Read MoreEnes Kanter 17 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
The Enes Kanter/Steven Adams bromance has, tearfully (I assume at least one of them cried about its termination at some point), come to an end. It was truly a beautiful thing, but not everybody likes beautiful things. Some bad people see beautiful things and, disgusted by the beauty that they provide to the world while…
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