My fingers fly across the keyboard, executing a wide array of well-timed keyboard shortcuts with my left hand while my right expertly manipulates the mouse, furiously clicking and dragging, shaping and composing. The process is almost automatic, yet evident in my quick actions is a kind of hidden artistry that could never be replicated by…
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DeMarre Carroll 21 Points Full Highlights (5/5/2016)
There is no valid reason for why DeMarre “I somehow tricked a GM into thinking I was not merely a system player” Carroll would be the leading scorer in a playoff game. No reason at all. Look at the rosters of the Raptors and Heat. There are about a billion players who I would pick…
Read MoreKris Humphries 12 Points Full Highlights (5/4/2016)
Coach Bud walked down to the end of the bench. “Kris. Kris! Hey, get ready to check in!” Kris Humphries did not react to his coach’s words in any way. He sat statuelike on the bench, blankly gazing forward. Play continued in front of him, but his eyes did not follow the action; instead, they…
Read MoreTerrence Ross 19 Points Full Highlights (5/3/2016)
Terrence Ross must read my video descriptions or something. Just days after I wrote mean things about him in the description of a Norman Powell video, he goes out and actually has a decent game by his standards. It’s like me saying how worthless he was made him determined to prove that he has worth…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 24 Points Full Highlights (5/3/2016)
Jonas Valanciunas is straight gangstering so far in these playoffs. Fifteen and twelve on good percentages? Those are pretty much the numbers that you’d see in a theoretical definition for “straight gangstering”. Unfortunately, a certain pair of unnamed “chuck bros” again cost their team the win with their poor shooting, poor passing, and overall poor…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 27 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (5/2/2016)
After tonight’s spirited performance by Dënniß ßchrööder, there can be no doubt: he needs a team of his own, a team where he can be the #1 point guard option. I’m not an expert on cap space and trade mechanics and all that CBA crap, but I AM an expert on the game of basketball…
Read MoreGeorge Hill 19 Points Full Highlights (5/1/2016)
Of all the dubious George Hill videos I have made in my life, this one is probably the most dubious. He didn’t even score twenty! Granted, it’s the playoffs, so I don’t exactly have a lot of options here if I want to make a highlight video, but nobody cares about George Hill when he…
Read MoreNorman Powell 13 Points Full Highlights (5/1/2016)
Well, the Raptors managed to squeak out the series victory, but it was on the back of the Chuck Bros shooting a combined 15-of-46 from the field in this game, not exactly a recipe for success against a tougher opponent. Meanwhile, Norman “Normie” Powell shot a very efficient 5-of-6 in his limited time off the…
Read MoreSeth Curry All 50 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2015-16 Season Three-ilation)
Seth Curry vs. Stephen Curry: who is the superior brother? In this truthful description where only the truest facts are outlaid with veracity and accuracy, we will answer that question in a rigorously logical manner. THREE POINT PERCENTAGE: Seth shot 45.0% over the course of the season. Stephen shot 45.4%. The raw numbers cannot be…
Read MoreSerge Ibaka 19 Points Full Highlights (4/30/2016)
When it’s the playoffs and you’re the Thunder and your leading scorer’s last name isn’t “Durant” or “Westbrook”, you know you screwed up. The entire point of having superstars is so that they can take over in the playoffs. The point of having two superstars is so that one can take over extra hard if…
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