I haven’t quite yet separated Jamal Murray and Dejounte Murray as distinct entities in my mind. I swear I’m trying really hard to, but it’s a work in progress that might take a while. It’s hard enough to keep track of which players went to which new teams without a bunch of similarly-named rookies coming…
Read MoreVince Carter 20 Points Full Highlights (11/8/2016)
Yes, I am aware that Vince Carter had 5 assists in this game in addition to his 20 points. Yes, I am aware that one of those assists was a lob to Marc Gasol for the game-winner with .7 seconds remaining. Yes, I am aware that said assists are not contained in this video, despite…
Read MoreClint Capela 14 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (11/7/2016)
When I saw that Clint “The Capelmeister” Capela had fourteen points on 7-of-10 shooting, my first thought was: dunks. My second thought was: why did Jennifer leave me. My third thought was: alley-oops from James Harden. I guess I got my wish…kinda? There are some alley-oops from Harden to Capela in this video. One of…
Read MoreEnes Kanter 24 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2016)
I have already expressed my sorrow at Turkish people not being able to watch highlights of their favorite Turkish NBAers because of governmental internet censorship. I’ll express it again: it sucks. Erdogan’s Turkish government, from what I can tell as a barely-informed American pig imperialist, is pretty much totally screwed up right now in terms…
Read MoreC.J. Miles 23 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2016)
Sorry for the delay in making more highlight videos to feed your insatiable content appetite. I was temporarily occupied eagerly watching some dude make Donyell Marshall suck his rod. Again, my apologies. It won’t happen again. I don’t have anything to say about C.J. Miles, really. This isn’t even that good of a game for…
Read MoreDomantas Sabonis 15 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2016)
Just forget about Donatas Motiejunas, Lithuania-bros. I have sources inside the Rockets organization that don’t want me to tell you this, but I want you guys to find it out from a trusted source instead of a faceless media conglomerate: D-Mo died like a week ago. Just straight up died not only because of how…
Read MoreRyan Anderson 23 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2016)
I pretty much thought that Ryan Anderson was going to be a total beastmonster with Houston. So did you, I’m sure. Don’t try to abnegate the responsibility you hold for having those thoughts. Don’t even TRY to abnegate it, dude. The fit was (is???) just too perfect. A mindless three-point assassin playing on a fast-paced…
Read MoreJ.J. Barea 21 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (11/6/2016)
“This is going to be so funny,” Dirk giggled as he sat on the floor next to J.J. Barea’s locker, applying mortar to a pile of nearby bricks. “J.J.’s gonna be pissed.” “I hope he gets the joke,” said Harrison Barnes, who was overseeing the construction project. “It would be lame if we had to…
Read MoreWilson Chandler 22 Points Full Highlights (11/6/2016)
I’m under the impression that Wilson Chandler and Danilo Gallinari play the same position. That wasn’t a problem last year because Chandler got to take a year-long vacation from basketball (some people are so lucky), but it might be a problem this year. Since both players are competent scorers who deserve large amounts of minutes,…
Read MoreHarrison Barnes 34 Points Full Highlights (11/6/2016)
I’m not mad at all that Harrison Barnes totally whooped the Bucks by toasting Jabari and Snell repeatedly. I have transcended sports fandom to become a totally neutral observer, watching the proceedings with only a scientific curiosity, rather than the rabid obsession of a fan. Watching Barnes cook up some of his special-recipe beastsauce and…
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