Sitting in the empty bleachers with a basketball sitting inertly between his feet, Ben Simmons idly browsed his phone. He knew he was supposed to be grateful that the 76ers had lined up an empty gym, completely free of COVID-19, for him to practice in, but he just couldn’t work up the motivation to actually…
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Ben Simmons All 17 Jumpers Full Highlights (2018-19 Season Jumperilation)
Heading into the 2019-20 NBA season (which is really coming up super fast oh my god where did the offseason go help I have so many more -ilations to upload), there is a lot of speculation on the state of Ben Simmons’ jumper. There is mystery. There is intrigue. There are articles featuring many dozens…
Read MoreBen Simmons All 133 Dunks Full Highlights (2018-19 Season Dunkilation)
Ben Simmons furtively looked over his shoulder as he typed in his YouTube search term, then felt silly for doing so. In the privacy of his apartment, nobody would know what deviant YouTube videos he was seeking out. After a quick pause of contemplation, Ben appended two words to the end of his search. It…
Read MoreBen Simmons All 147 Dunks Full Highlights (2017-18 Season Dunkilation)
“Hey T.J. I need some help,” Ben Simmons said awkwardly as he lingered near T.J. McConnell’s locker. “Well, if you want advice on how to deal with getting curb-stomped by a less-talented team in the playoffs, I don’t have any,” T.J. replied as he stood up from his position picking depleted Gatorade bottles from the…
Read MoreBen Simmons Career High 32 Points/11 Assists Full Highlights (2/22/2018)
BEN SIMMONS JUMPSHOT ALERT! BEN SIMMONS JUMPSHOT ALERT! Forget about the career-high, forget about the game-winning free throws, forget about all his sick passes and sicker finishes, Ben Simmons just hit a legit pullup midrange jumper. I installed a whole bunch of flashing red klaxons in my highlights cave that tell me when he hits…
Read MoreBen Simmons Triple Double 18 Pts/12 Rebs/10 Asts/2 Jumpers Full Highlights (2/14/2018)
Ben Simmons was snubbed, by my estimation, about 10 times (Goran Dragic are you serious????) for the All-Star game this year. That sucks for him, and it also sucks for me, because I have to keep making this dude’s highlights until the end of the year where he’ll finally stop being a rookie. Not like…
Read MoreBen Simmons 24 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/31/2018)
The dream of Ben Simmons averaging a triple-double this season is getting further and further away. With every game where he decides to only grab a handful of rebounds, with every game where he doesn’t spam passes to J.J. Redick for free assists, with every game where he continues stubbornly not shooting threes, his chances…
Read MoreBen Simmons 22 Points/7 Assists/5 Dunks Full Highlights (1/28/2018)
You know what? I should refuse to make Ben Simmons highlight videos unless he gets more assists in the game than he averages for the season. That would have saved me a bunch of time because he averages 7.4 assists per game, yet only had seven in this particular instance. If he’s not going to…
Read MoreBen Simmons 21 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/26/2018)
“Dear Mr. Simmons, Consider this letter to be official notification of your continued eligibility to appear on my YouTube channel. The All-Star teams having been revealed, and considering that you appear on neither team, I consider my position to be justified. My legal representation has advised me that your threats of a lawsuit are frivolous…
Read MoreBen Simmons Triple Double 19 Pts/17 Rebs/14 Asts Full Highlights (1/24/2018)
Tonight was “Australian Heritage Night” at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, in honor of noted Australian basketball player Ben Simmons who, you guessed it, plays for Philly! It all makes so much sense. I don’t know what they did to celebrate Australian’s unique cultural contributions to the world other than showcase incredibly dangerous venomous…
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