DeAndre Jordan was beside himself. He was supposed to have a free agency meeting with Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks, but now that he was in Dallas, he realized he had no idea how to get to the Mavs’ front office. Any time the Clippers had played in Dallas, the team bus took him…
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DeAndre Jordan All 253 Dunks Full Highlights (2016-17 Season Dunkilation)
DeAndre Jordan was bored nearly to tears. On this perfectly straight stretch of Arizona highway which lay between Los Angeles and Houston, there was nothing to do but listen to podcasts. But his phone was almost out of battery and his car charger had been inadvertently left behind in Los Angeles, so now there weren’t…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan All 227 Dunks Full Highlights (2015-16 Season Dunkilation)
DeAndre Jordan relaxed on his sofa, wondering idly if his other Clippers teammates had started their off-season training regimens yet. Mindlessly spooning Golden Grahams into his mouth, DeAndre decided they probably hadn’t. Except for Chris Paul. His doorbell rang. Not expecting any visitors, he looked down to make sure he had put on pants this…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan All 252 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation Part II)
After enduring a long day of testing, DeAndre returned to his room. Of the innumerable solutions the aliens had concocted, none had improved his jumpshot or his ball-handling in any appreciable way. Moreover, they left his muscles sore and his head cloudy. It was so difficult to focus on the plans he had been making…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan All 252 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation Part I)
DeAndre Jordan awoke in an unfamiliar room. His luxurious bedding at home had been replaced by a tough cot. Outside his window sailed endless pinpoints of light that could only be stars. Before he could do any more than register these facts, he was faced with what must have been some kind of alien. Surprised,…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan 17 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (1/14/2015)
“Dear John Skipper, I know that you guys over at ESPN appreciate me and the team that I play for. How could you not, when our endless showcase of alley-oops and power-jams brings untold thousands of viewers to your various content offerings? Let’s be honest here: if me and Blake Griffin didn’t exist, ESPN would…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan 16 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (12/15/2014)
DeAndre Jordan is not known for his offensive repertoire. In fact, he is known for the opposite; it is common knowledge that he can not do anything other than catch lobs. He makes it work, and he thinks he’s going to get max money because of it, so either his agent is feeding him bull…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan 12 Points/6 Dunks Full Highlights (11/20/2014)
Consider this to be a sneak preview of my “DeAndre Jordan All 279 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-15 Season Dunkilation)” video, which will hopefully be coming towards your network interface card somewhere around June. There is nothing here but dunks. There are no free-throws (DeAndre missed the two that he tried). There are no layups (DeAndre…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan All 245 Dunks Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Dunkilation)
“It’s been quiet around here lately,” commented Urgorx 77-Q, gazing out the expansive windows of the main deck with boredom. “Kronbub, are you sure that HQ hasn’t assigned as any more planets to initiate the sow/reap process on?” Kronbub 32-C, sitting at the controls of the spaceship, waved his anterior cilia to demonstrate similar levels…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan 21 Points/15 Rebounds/6 Dunks Full Highlights (4/3/2014)
The crew were gathered in the main deck, eagerly awaiting the transmission to the holo-projector. Holoperator Urgorx 77-Q fiddled with the equipment. Kronbub 32-C, the pilot of the craft, vibrated his caudal membranes in a show of impatience. “I don’t get why the humans don’t adhere to their posted start times. The contest was supposed…
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