With this last 26-point effort, Dennis “Sexy Nubian Princess” Schröder is now back over 20 PPG for the season. This allows me to present my OFFICIAL PLAYERS WHO ARE SCORING 20 PPG POWER RANKINGS [RANKED ON HOW MUCH PEOPLE CARE ABOUT THEM] (NOVEMBER 2017 EDITION): 1. LeBron James 2. Stephen Curry 3. Kevin Durant 4….
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Dennis Schröder 23 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (11/18/2017)
I have come to the regrettable determination that Dënniß ßchrööder no longer has any fans. In his fifth year in the league he’s pretty well established himself as a fringe All-Star who can average something close to 20/7, but there doesn’t seem to be a contingent of people who are rallying behind him as the…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 28 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (11/5/2017)
Dënniß ßchrööder kinda took over the game in the third quarter tonight. Derrick Rose couldn’t hold him at all, which is expected I guess. Jae Crowder couldn’t hold him either. No one could hold him. He was unholdable. The Rajon Rondo comparisons from earlier in his career should be pretty much invalidated by now. As…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 25 Points Full Highlights (10/20/2017)
“Hey Rookie.” John Collins looked up to find his teammate Dennis Schröder standing in front of him. “Hey Dennis. Do you need me to get more donuts for the team?” he joked. Dennis did not laugh. “I have something serious to discuss with you. Something much more serious than requesting another errand of you.” John…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 28 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (10/18/2017)
Dennis Schröder stood near his locker, surveying the players that were present in the room with him. The sight made him want to smile, so he did, and anybody who saw the expression on his face would have assumed that he was just happy to be starting another season in the NBA. However, the emotions…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 26 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (4/28/2017)
I have made a Dënniß ßchrööder vid for five of the six games of this now-sadly-concluded series against Washington. This fact probably means that he has graduated from this channel and should be the sole domain of other highlight purveyors from this point on. Probably. I have some serious soul searching to do during the…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 29 Points/11 Assists Full Highlights (4/26/2017)
Dënniß ßchrööder basically did it all for the Hawks tonight, and they still lost. Is it time for him to demand a trade to a different team so he can actually have a chance at winning some games in the playoffs? Don’t waste too many brain cells on that question, because the answer is yes….
Read MoreDennis Schröder 27 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (4/22/2017)
Dënniß ßchrööder’s stats have definitely benefited from him getting his own team this season. Well, like half a team. The other half is Paul Millsap’s. But it’s still a lot more than he had before, when Jeff Teague was taking all his partially-deserved minutes. It’s still up for debate whether his preponderance of stats means…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 23 Points Full Highlights (4/19/2017)
Listening to a Hawks-Wizards game commentated by the 76ers’ Mark Zumoff and the Nets’ Mike Fratello is basically the worst thing for my sanity ever. If it’s not the 76ers, I don’t want to hear Zumoff. I just don’t. He can say “turns garbage into gold” all he wants when Joel Embiid and Dario Saric…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 25 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (4/16/2017)
When I can piss of two fanbases at once, I have to take the opportunity: this Hawks-Wizards matchup is the lamest series in the whole first round. Two teams that are pretty okay (almost TOO okay), one more okay in the other, but only one super-compelling player between them. No, not Mike Muscala. I’m talking…
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