Joy Holmes-Harris happily watched her son perform for the first time on the biggest stage of all, the NBA. He was already having such a good game, though as always she didn’t know how many points he had and as always it didn’t matter. She wasn’t much of a sports person, her basketball knowledge started…
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JaVale Mcgee 16 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (11/3/2014)
The early morning sun shone through the portrait windows, heating the room though the light layer of frost on the trees outside betrayed the true coldness of the dawn. JaVale McGee relaxed in his divan, sipping some imported Kopi Luwak, and retorted. “I know that, Kenneth, but I really think that the best thing to…
Read MoreJaVale McGee 8 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (11/1/2014)
JaVale McGee, clad scantily in a leopard-print speedo, relaxed in his outdoor hot tub. The contrast between the cool mountain air on his chest and the warm bubble-jets on his legs was sublime, much like the pairing of a medium-bodied Tuscan Chianti and rich dark chocolates from Paris which floated on a tray in front…
Read MoreTimofey Mozgov 22 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (4/9/2014)
Timofey Mozgov sat in the locker room, browsing NBA headlines on his phone. If he was being honest with himself, he was looking for stuff like “Mozgov leads Nuggets to victory,” but there wasn’t anything of that sort. There was, however, a story about Jonas Valanciunas’ recent DUI charges. As Timofey read the story, he…
Read MoreQuincy Miller Career High 19 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (4/6/2014)
Chris Marlowe, Denver Nuggets commentator, woke up disoriented. He was in a cell-like room, tied to a chair. A bare fluorescent tube provided blinding light that yielded no shadows. He looked down and noticed that a hastily-applied blindfold had slipped off his eyes, down around his neck, where it hung like a noose. His head…
Read MoreEvan Fournier 26 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (4/6/2014)
Evan Fournier reclined in his posh leather couch, enjoying a glass of the finest French Chardonnay. Just as he was about to put on his favorite recording of Debussy’s ‘Clair de Lune’, he was interrupted by his phone ringing. “This is the Fournicator.” “Is that what you call yourself now? It’s Jan.” Evan tensed up….
Read MoreJan Vesely 10 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (4/2/2014)
What is Jan Vesely’s favorite spot in a supermarket? The Czechout lane. What is Jan Vesely’s preferred type of bank account? A Czeching account. How does Jan Vesely point out an attractive female to his friends? “Czech out the ass on that one.” What is Jan Vesely’s favorite State Farm television commercial? Discount Double-Czech. When…
Read MoreAaron Brooks 24 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (4/2/2014)
The boxscore for this game lists Aaron Brooks as having blocked two shots. Damn good for a midget like him, right? That’s what I thought. So I check out the first one and it’s like 90% steal and 10% block. I cannot articulate the disappointment that I felt when I saw it except in the…
Read MoreJan Vesely 10 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (3/23/2014)
Playing in the NBA must really suck. There are these things called “expectations” that follow you around your whole career and cause untold amounts of stress. Jan Vesely has plenty of these so-called “expectations”. These include “having skills other than athleticism”, “the ability to shoot free throws”, and “not being a gigantic bust”. Unfortunately he…
Read MoreDarrell Arthur 18 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (3/14/2014)
What kind of uploader would I be if I uploaded Darrell Arthur highlights but failed to include partial lyrics to the theme song for the kid’s cartoon “Arthur”? A bad kind of uploader, that’s what I’d be. I’d probably lose subscribers. So here they are (dope reggae beat not included): “Everyday when you’re walking down…
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