Tag: John Henson

John Henson must have some kind of salivary overabundance. Either that or his upper lip sweats a lot. Because he is constantly wiping his mouth with his jersey. Somebody get this kid some napkins, he’s dripping all over the place! Or he just has OCD. That would explain him having to walk around his car…

“Long John Henson” is a seriously thin dude. He’s probably leading the league in thinness per 48 right now, as well as body fat percentage and “amount of hook shots taken from too far away because he’s too weak to back people down in the post”. Does he even lift? My NBA All-scrawny team would…

Sometimes it seems like the art of the post move is dying. Bigs in today’s NBA are either jump-shooters or morons who can only dunk it. Few teams set them in isolations with their back to the basket. There’s a reason for this: it’s inefficient to shoot contested hook shots and it’s hard to draw…

How do you know when a player is really good? When the opposing commentators can’t stop talking about him. Of course, the home commentators can never shut up about “potential this” and “upside that” and “blah blah blah hustle”, but the opposing broadcast crew has no bias towards any team except their own. They will…

Look at the stat line. JESUS. Those are Olajuwon-esque numbers right there. Surely only a player of elite caliber would be able to dominate a game so thoroughly. Someone like Dwight Howard or Tim Duncan. Or John Henson. Yeah, pretty messed up, isn’t it? You can add this guy to the “dudes who are raw…

John “Concentration Camp” Henson offers a glimpse into the life of a power forward with no power. I don’t know if there is a skinnier big man in the league. So what does he do? He uses a bunch of funky-looking hooks and floaters to score. Some say that he needs to bulk up a…

John “Inspector Gadget” Henson hasn’t gotten to play much this season. This is a total mystery to me considering how he apparently enters “beast mode” the instant his sneaker touches the court. The only explanation is that he is somehow behaving badly off the court. Possible infractions he’s committed: artificially enhancing his leaping ability using…

Ten points and two blocks in less than eight minutes. Sounds like an end-of-bench player got let loose in the fourth quarter again! What we see here is John Henson exerting his style all over the scrubtastic Pacer’s cleanup crew, heaving the rock eight times (connecting with net five times) and imposing his will on…