“Yo Kenneth. We’re supposed to be having fun here, but you’re just sitting there looking at your phone while all the ladies in the club walk right by you,” Mike Miller scolded through a mouthful of food. “Wait. You still thinking about that old teammate of yours?” “He’s not just an ‘old teammate’,” Kenneth Faried…
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Kenneth Faried 25 Points/6 Dunks Full Highlights (3/6/2016)
Another year, the same Kenneth Faried. I don’t think anyone was really expecting him to add anything to his game this season; if they were, they were being wildly optimistic. He shot a few threes last year in contrast to this year where he’s only shot one, so if anything you could say that he…
Read MoreKenneth Faried 25 Points Full Highlights (12/27/2015)
Let us take a moment to consider how much of a beast Kenneth Faried would be if he had a reliable jumpshot. Moment over! After careful consideration, you all should have come to identical conclusions; namely, that Kenneth Faried would be a total beast if he were to possess in his basketball arsenal a jumpshot…
Read MoreKenneth Faried 21 Points Full Highlights (12/20/2015)
Kenneth “Fareak” Faried: good power forward? It’s hard to say. His advanced stats point to him being good. Since advanced stats are, by definition, more advanced than normal stats, they are a good thing to use when you want to determine the goodness of a player. But even his normal stats also look good. He…
Read MoreKenneth Faried 29 Points Full Highlights (4/8/2015)
How much do you think it costs to touch Kenneth Faried’s hair? I’m betting it’s a lot, because of how soft his dreads look, but I don’t actually know. Is there, like, a price guide or something? Is there an NBA-hair-touching expert who I can consult? I asked him on twitter a bunch of times,…
Read MoreKenneth Faried 24 Points Full Highlights (3/13/2015)
Two men embraced next to gate B33 at the Denver International Airport. The taller one, dressed in a sombre black dress, had his mourning-veil adorned head in the other’s shoulder, sobbing heavily. The other man, wearing a bright purple suit with shoes to match, patted the crying man on the back tenderly. “There, there, Java…
Read MoreKenneth Faried 26 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2015)
Kenneth Faried slaved away at the stovetop as Brahms’ piano concerto #2 in B-flat major played in the background. A loaf of the finest artisan sourdough lay on the counter next to a quantity of 20-year aged cheddar, both waiting to be consumed in the form of grilled cheese sandwiches. Suddenly, he heard the sound…
Read MoreKenneth Faried 26 Points Full Highlights (3/12/2014)
Kenneth “Far Out” Faried could be considered the ultimate hustle player. The only time his motor ever gets shut off is if there’s no weed around. He makes up for his lack of “traditional” offensive skills by throwing his body and hair all over the place, becoming a marijuana-scented blur on the court. In this…
Read MoreKenneth Faried Career High 32 Points/13 Rebounds Full Highlights (3/7/2014)
Aaron Brooks looked around nervously. “Yo Kenny, I don’t know if you should be smokin’ that stuff in here.” Kenneth Faried took a long drag on a spliff and grinned stupidly before exhaling the smoke through his tightly-pursed lips. “Chill out Aaron. It’s legal in Colorado.” “I know that, but you can be sure that…
Read MoreKenneth Faried Career High 28 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (2/3/2014)
Kenneth Faried is one of those players who probably gets overrated by advanced stats. Don’t get me wrong. I love all that stuff. Give me a big helping of TS% with a side of winshares, please. But they oftentimes don’t reflect the actual value of a player. Mainly bigs who don’t do anything but dunk…
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