Sometimes I almost feel like a naturalist making observations of wild animals when I’m chilling out with my 12-foot-tall 3D-printed naked Buddy Hield statue. Just like with animals, there’s not really a good way to figure out what’s going through his mind, so you have to guess based on his behaviors. And if he’s just…
Read MoreTag: Story
Dwyane Wade 19 Points Full Highlights (10/27/2018)
“There’s been some kind of mistake,” the caller tells me. Just based on the urgency of the caller’s voice, and the timing of the call itself, the identity of the caller is clear: it is Dwyane Wade. “No mistake, Dwyane,” I answer coolly, leaning back in my luxurious office chair and propping my feet up…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 22 Points Full Highlights (10/26/2018)
After the last update on my walking, talking, 3D-printed purple naked Buddy Hield statue, I realized that I didn’t go into as much depth into our zoo trip as I probably should have. It’s a fun story. So here it is. — From our night walks I figured out that Buddy was really into animals…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 22 Points Full Highlights (10/26/2018)
Kelly Oubre was sitting in his locker, hunched over a notebook. The pen in his hand scribbled furiously, writing notes, then crossing them out and writing new ones over the top. Dwight Howard happened to walk by. “Hey, what’s that?” he asked. “Notes for your next novel?” Shaking his head, Kelly didn’t even look up….
Read MoreNemanja Bjelica 26 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (10/26/2018)
“Dear Diary, Things are going very badly here in Minnesota. Every passing day brings me closer to the termination of my employment. The relationship between coaching and ownership, always a strained one, is irreparable at this point. My locker room is in shambles, my players hate each other, the fans hate me, and we’re not…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 23 Points Full Highlights (10/24/2018)
It’s been a while since I gave you guys an update on my sentient twelve-foot-tall 3D-printed naked purple plastic statue of Buddy Hield. Over the summer we had a lot of adventures, but we still don’t go outside as much as Buddy wants ever since he killed a guy who was trying to mug me…
Read MoreTrae Young 35 Points/11 Assists Full Highlights (10/21/2018)
As Trae Young peeled off his jersey, he heard a shrill burst of laughter come from above him. However, when he looked up, there was nothing on top of his locker that could have caused the noise, other than maybe a hidden prank device of some kind. Next, he looked to the side, where Jeremy…
Read MoreDerrick Rose 28 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (10/20/2018)
Derrick Rose wandered a garden which he had never seen before. Where was he? How did he get here? It looked nice enough, with well-trimmed hedges around its perimeter, paths paved by flagstones winding through its wide array of botany, and an ornate fountain at its center. But there appeared to be no entrance or…
Read MoreJoe Ingles Career High 27 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (10/19/2018)
Joe Ingles stood underneath the water of the shower, not making any effort to clean himself, but just standing there with his eyes closed. The water temperature was already as high as it would go, but he wanted it higher. He needed it higher. He craved the burning sensation on his sensitive white flesh. Not…
Read MoreDeandre Ayton 18 Points/6 Assists Suns Debut Full Highlights (10/17/2018)
Deandre Ayton lounged in his locker after his strong opening-night performance. Teammates and trainers were occasionally dropping by to give him high-fives, which he received in between sips of Gatorade. But there was something missing. What was it? In the adjacent locker, Trevor Ariza noticed his teammate just staring off into space. “I know what…
Read More