The hibernation complex was silent. Deep within its multitudinous chambers and corridors, two men gazed intently at the hibernation pod that was in front of them. All that separated the normal timeflow of their control room and the contracted timeflow of the hibernation chamber was a sheet of standard-issue plate glass. Inside the chamber, a…
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Dirk Nowitzki All 106 Fadeaway Jumpers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dirkilation)
(Description is a continuation of this season’s first video: https://youtu.be/I196J8Ev63I ) Walking around my apartment, which has somehow been modified to ignore the rules of spaciality, I engage in conversation with the hundreds of NBA role players which currently occupy it. They have been here the whole season, keeping me company while I compiled their…
Read MoreTyson Chandler All 179 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!?” I yell, frenetically pacing back and forth behind my desk, fists clenching and unclenching with barely-suppressed rage. “I didn’t know, sir, I didn’t know!” says Steve, my assistant. I stop my movement and stare in disbelief at the cowering man. “You don’t understand, you fool. ‘I didn’t know’ is not…
Read MoreLaMarcus Aldridge All 280 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Jumperilation Part III)
LaMarcus waited patiently for his date to say something. She was the desperate one, right? “Um, well, I like going to art galleries,” Jennifer offered, sipping her coffee. “Art is okay,” LaMarcus said with little interest in his voice. “I like sports better.” “Oh, that’s right, your profile said you play for the Portland Trailblazers….
Read MoreLaMarcus Aldridge All 280 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Jumperilation Part II)
“Uh, Wes, we got a problem.” Wes looked over from his game of FIFA. “You got a dude? I told you, just swipe left.” “No, not that. It says I ran out of swipes and that I need to pay money for more.” “WHAT?” Wes exclaimed, running over to investigate the phone’s screen. “You’re kidding…
Read MoreLaMarcus Aldridge All 280 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Jumperilation Part I)
“You know what, Wes?” Wes Matthews, who was focused intently on the game of Madden in front of him, didn’t respond right away. When he ended up throwing an incomplete pass, he paused the game angrily. “What?” LaMarcus Aldridge set down his controller and laid back contemplatively on the couch. “All this time I’ve been…
Read MoreBen McLemore All 60 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)
Ben McLemore looked around at the basketball players who were gathered for the second round of the support group. It was a reunion of sorts; exactly a year ago, they had all been seated in a similar circle, in the same community center, in the same fluorescent-lit room. Just like last time, nobody really looked…
Read MoreDerrick Williams All 64 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)
Rudy Gay had given up hope long ago. Here, in Derrick Williams’ dungeon, there was no such thing as hope. There was only dubstep. Dubstep composed by the corrupted brain of the one who had adopted the moniker “Professor Dubbenstein”. There was no respite from the hellish noise which echoed throughout the underground chamber nor…
Read MoreNerlens Noel All 118 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)
“Bae, I thought you knew what you were doing!” whined Nerlens Noel’s girlfriend, Moniqua, who was lying naked next to a similarly-naked and similarly-frustrated Nerlens. “So did I,” he mumbled through gritted teeth. “But girls don’t come with instructions.” Moniqua sighed. “I told you bae, it goes down there right between my legs.” Nerlens ignored…
Read MoreAndre Drummond All 166 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)
Andre Drummond and Brandon Jennings relaxed on Brandon’s couch. Remote in hand, Andre flipped through TV channels listlessly, hoping to find something worth watching. “I told you, we should just watch ESPN,” Brandon complained. “Maybe they’ll talk about us.” Andre shook his head. “ESPN blows. I’m not the brightest guy but even I can tell…
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