You know I’ve been a good little boy this year. Since I’ve been so good, I deserve a lot of nice presents. But there’s one present in particular that I want to make sure I receive since it is so important to me. That’s why I’m writing this letter to you.
You probably already know what I’m going to ask for. You see into the hearts and minds of every person on earth, so how could you not? My mind is consumed with thoughts of this present. Every waking hour is spent obsessing over how I might possibly attain it. I knew it would probably have to wait until Christmas. The wait was hard, but I know that since I haven’t been naughty all year that you will give me what I want. That’s what Santa does.
What I want most of all this Christmas is for Russell Westbrook to die.
You may be reluctant to kill just to fulfill a Christmas wish. However, you have considered that Westbrook was not this year, and never has been, a “good little boy”? He’s been bad. He’s a bad boy. He plays basketball selfishly and his apparent interest for his teammate’s success is only superficial. He also masturbates while thinking about bad things. I just thought I would remind you since you have a lot of stuff to keep track of up there at the North Pole.
So if you could please kill Russell Westbrook for me this year for Christmas that would be the best present ever. I love you Santa!
P.S. I also want the new PS4 Pro. If it’s not under my tree this year I will be very mad.”