Wendell Carter 17 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (11/7/2018)

Wendell Carter: squarest-headed player in the league? I would make a power rankings with him at the top, but I can’t think of any other players that are even close to his perfect rectangularity. The thumbnail doesn’t make it as apparent, but frontal views fully show his right-angled and equal-sided visage.

This is the kind of thing that machine learning is supposed to help humanity with. I should be able to demand of Google “Google, run a facial analysis on all the NBA players currently in the league and tell me which ones have faces that are the most square”. I should be able to type that out, or just speak it out loud to nobody in particular, and have Google’s AI, which resides in and is comprised of every piece of consumer electronics in the world, give me a detailed statistical output containing the answers I seek. Is that so much to ask? They could even plug a few NBA experts into the neural network to speed the process up.

Instead, I have to sit here and think using my own mind about basketball players with square craniums. What a rip off. I’m going to go crawl in my closet and play the “coffin game” where I pretend to be dead and in a coffin. Wake me up when we have a global supercomputer integrated with the brains of every human on earth.

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