Now doesn’t seem like a great time to introduce my new nickname for Jayson Tatum considering the performance he just had, but I can wait no longer. I’ve been sitting on this baby for weeks now, and I can’t keep it under wraps forever. So it is with great pride that I present to you, the new nickname for our favorite young Celtics player:
Jayson “Taintum” Tatum.
I see some confused faces, so let me explain. The “taint” part of the nickname is in reference to the anatomical part of the human body known scientifically as the perineum, colloquially as the taint. Basically, it’s the part of your body between the scrote and the butthole. It’s not a good part of the body. The connotation with dirtiness and badness is a key component of my new nickname creation.
The “um” part of the nickname is the second syllable of his name, “Tatum”. Combine this with the first syllable having a great similarity to the word “taint”, and you have a masterpiece of a nickname, conjured from the mists of the muse by none other than your very own DownToBuck.
If you wish to use this nickname in print or other media, it will be 25 cents per impression. You write an article, use my creation, and get 20000 hits? That’s a lot of quarters, so be ready to pay up. I’ll have my crack team of lawyers on you faster than a duck on a junebug.