I tried to write a sweet poem for this description. It didn’t really work, though, because the only thing that rhymes with “Harkless” is “barkless”. I’m not saying that Maurice is not lacking in bark; he is. It’s just, I couldn’t really fit the word into the whole theme of the poem. Actually, maybe I…
Read MoreMonth: February 2013
Chris Copeland 13 Points Full Highlights (2/20/2013)
I feel kind of bad for making this video. Yeah, Chris Copeland scored 13, but when you watch this video you will see how much of a joke it was. The Pacers seem totally uninterested in playing defense. That or the Prigioni-Copeland pick-and-roll is the most devastating in the league. So if you like to…
Read MoreLarry Sanders 14 Points/6 Blocks Full Highlights (2/19/2013)
What was Larry Sanders’ most beloved childhood toy? Blocks. His favorite military action? Blockade. Preferred tax preparation agency? H&R Block. Favorite line of CSS code? “display: block;”. Most aurally pleasing percussion instrument? Woodblock. Favorite defunct movie rental chain? Movie Gallery.
Read MoreJ.J. Hickson 25 Points/16 Rebounds Full Highlights (2/19/2013)
They were chasing him. He didn’t know why, but two men in grey suits and sunglasses were chasing him through the back alleys of Portland. He had just been enjoying a cup of fair-trade coffee at the place down the street when he saw somebody with a walkie-talkie pointing at him and nodding. It had…
Read MoreWes Johnson 14 Points Full Highlights (2/19/2013)
If you’ve been watching my videos and reading these descriptions, you know what I’m going to say. It’s obvious. And really there’s only one thing to say about Wes Johnson. One word that describes his NBA career. Can you guess what it is?
Read MoreMike Conley 19 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (2/19/2013)
Mike Conley is a supremely average player. In the NBA. Which means he’s one of the top point guards in the world. Kind of weird to think about it that way, but there it is. That doesn’t mean that anyone really knows who he is. In a league full of flashy point guards that like…
Read MoreBradley Beal 25 Points Full Highlights (2/19/2013)
There she was again, just like always. Denise. A plain name for a remarkable woman. Sitting in the fifth row, a little off center of half-court. “Oh we got the steal. Hey Martell give me the ball I want to jam this one.” He did. He quickly glanced over to where she was seated. She…
Read MoreViacheslav Kravtsov 8 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (2/19/2013)
Viacheslav Kravtsov has a funny name. At least to me, an American. I guess in Ukraine it’s a perfectly reasonable name. But from my point of view it’s just a mess of unpronounceable consonants. His nickname “Slava” just flows a lot better. But who cares about his name’s abundance of postalveolar sibilants? This isn’t a…
Read MoreTyler Hansbrough 19 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2013)
Tyler Hansbrough is an unlikeable player. If he’s on the other team. If he’s on your team he magically becomes a great player who plays hard 100% of the time and never gives up on a play. He was also a good college player who everyone predicted would be a bust. Well guess what losers,…
Read MoreEmeka Okafor 20 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2013)
Who is the better player right now: Dwight Howard or Emeka “Chukwuemeka” Okafor? Don’t scoff. The answer might be obvious now (hint: it’s Dwight), but it certainly wasn’t obvious to the people who voted for 2004 rookie of the year, because they decided that Okafor was the better rookie. Little did they know that his…
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