“Oy! I just put some shrimp on the barbie!” yelled Spencer Hawes as he dug into the shrimp that came with his gigantic steaks. The rest of the team laughed as Spencer ate without regard for cleanliness or manners, except for Matthew Dellavedova, who sat sullenly without food in front of him.
“Hey, Delly, Outback was a great choice to celebrate your first double-double, mate! But why don’t you have any food, mate? Someone get this guy a bloomin’ onion, mate!” Dion Waiters took his extra fried onion appetizer and placed it in front of the Australian point guard.
“You know, I think it was actually you, Dion, who suggested this place, not me. I’m not really a fan of it. And I never ran across a single one of these so-called ‘blooming onions’ in all my years in Australia.”
But Dion wasn’t listening, instead making a show of himself chugging two Foster’s at once. Meanwhile Spencer Hawes continued his assault on the triple order of food in front of him, occasionally grunting out “Shrimp on the barbie, mate!” as shrimp and steak flew out of his mouth.
Carrick Felix put on a faux-stern expression. “Spencer, you bogan! You eat like an abo! Go sniff some gasoline you frickin’ abo bogan!”
Dellavedova stood up angrily. “Alright, now that’s just offensive. You can’t just call people that. The aborigines have a rich and storied history that is more than sniffing gas.”
But, again, no one was listening. Dion was now entertaining people with the bloomin’ onion slices he had shoved into various facial orifices. Dellavedova turned from the table and walked out into the parking lot, figuring his presence would not be missed.
“What a joke. All that supposedly authentic food and they don’t have the one true Aussie specialty. Man, I could go for one right now.”
With that, Dellavedova got in his car and started to head home, visions of Vegemite sandwiches dancing in his mind.