I would pay so much money just to have five seconds alone with Robin Lopez’s afro. I would commit wholly lewd and inappropriate acts with that thing. It just looks so fluffy and soft, like a cute little bunny, but it’s also simmering with eroticism, like a cheap hooker. If I even grazed my finger…
Read MoreDay: April 30, 2014
Jonas Valanciunas 16 Points Full Highlights (4/30/2014)
Jonas Valanciunas opened his desk drawer and rummaged through the assorted documents until he found what he was looking for: a crumpled, stained sheet of plain notebook paper. At the top of page was found the title, “Kill List”. The large Lithuanian scanned down the list of names, a list which encompassed all of the…
Read MoreWesley Matthews 27 Points/5 Threes/3 Blocks Full Highlights (4/30/2014)
Adam Silver paced his office frantically. A few high-ranking NBA executives sat in the office with him, glancing at each other uneasily. “We have to do something to distract the viewers from the Sterling debacle.” Silver finally pronounced, continuing to tread the same path between his desk and the window. “Something bold, but not too…
Read MoreMirza Teletovic 17 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (4/30/2014)
Normally the first round of the playoffs is the round to skip. Boring matchups, tons of blowouts, yawn. But not this year. Game after game of overtimes and clutch shots, blown leads and unlikely heroes. Except for one series everything has been fun. Next up in the series of crazy playoff happenings is the Raptors…
Read MoreVince Carter 28 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (4/30/2014)
If your cockles of your heart aren’t warmed by the semi-resurgent play of Vince Carter, then I suggest you get your cockles checked out by your physician because they are obviously defective. I’m being serious. My uncle almost died due to cold cockles. I hope Vince can keep up what he’s been doing late in…
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