It is well-known that Amar’e Stoudemire is now taking red wine baths to cure the variety of ills that menace his worn-down body. Maybe it works, or maybe there’s some “therapist” somewhere who is making mad bank selling this “treatment” to superstitious rich people.
Whatever the case may be, I have devised a special “bath” solution that I will now attempt to market to Shane Larkin.
It’s called “DTB’s Shortness Eradicator”. It’s a powder that you can put into your bathwater to slowly stretch you out and add inches to your height! Think jelqing, but for your whole body, not just your Little Larkin.
I don’t want to disclose all my secrets since I don’t want any copycats on the market, but some of the active ingredients include: whole wheat flour, taco meat seasoning, Kraft macaroni and cheese Cheezy Sauce powder, OxiCean, powdered hemp, and kitty litter. The whole concoction smells a little strange and it gets a weird consistency when you put it in the hot water, but you can’t argue with results. I’ve been having Giannis Antetokounmpo bathe in it after every practice and he’s added inches to his height in the past year.
Since Shane Larkin is a stage-three manlet, he should contact me at the soonest possible opportunity to purchase some of my product. Only $600 per treatment.