Dënniß ßchrööder is having a really nice stretch of games for the Hawks. Almost… too good?
I was really suspicious of that different-colored spot of hair that he has on his head, so I did a little more research into the matter, and what I found out may surprise you. Keep in mind, this is some serious investigative journalism I pulled off here. I interviewed players, I interviewed coaches, I tapped his phone, I set up cameras in and around the Hawks’ practice facility, I even spent a night hiding in a dumpster. DownToBuck is a warrior for truth.
So here’s what I ascertained about Dënniß’ odd hair patch: it’s actually a steroid! He’s using a seemingly innocuous style choice to increase his athletic performance by artificial means. His PED-hair is the root cause of his improved play this year, but he has been abusing horse steroids since before he came to the NBA.
I know what you’re thinking, but sadly I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know why he doesn’t do it like everybody else and just inject the HGH straight into his rump with a hypodermic needle the size of his arm.
This is a huge black (or should I say, yellow!) mark on the reputation of the Hawks. I also uncovered some other disturbing practices in my investigations, but those I will leave for another day. This, however, was too important not to share immediately. Remember:
DownToBuck is a warrior for truth.