Drew Gooden 16 Points Full Highlights (4/4/2015)

“Thanks for inviting us to your Karaoke party! Anywhere where there’s booze and chicks, there’s bound to be a good time, huh?” Bradley Beal said as he and a few other Wizards players walked into Drew Gooden’s house.

“Kalevala, you mean.” Drew responded, as they loudly bustled their way into the living room. As he shut the front door, he heard a call from the kitchen.

“Yo man, where’s all the booze? All I see is some stuff in a jug. And where are the chicks? You said there would be chicks, man.”

“That jug is full of “Kilju”, an authentic Finnish spirit. I made it myself. And I never said there would be females, Martell, I wanted this to be an intimate teammate bonding experience!” Gooden shouted back.

“No chicks?” John Wall turned and looked at Drew. “So it’s just gonna be a bunch of dicks?”

Marcin Gortat laughed. “No chicks, just a bunch of dicks! I will use that line in my humorous rendition of ‘Call Me Maybe’ which will be my first act during this fun night of karaoke and booze!”

Gooden was growing antsy, but declined to correct Marcin. He shepherded the last stragglers out of the hallway and into his living room.

“Thank’s all for coming, this really means a lot to me to see you all here! Sit down, sit down!” He gestured at the chairs and sofas scattered around the space. A crackling fireplace provided what a little light in the otherwise mostly dark room. “I hope you all enjoy this reading of the Kalevala!”

“Reading? Martell don’t do no reading!” Martell Webster looked concerned. “When you was inviting us to this thing, you were very clear: there would be hot women, and there would be free-flowing alcohol. This Kanzu crap or whatever it is tastes like fermented goat piss, and I’m standing here with a bunch of males with not a female in sight! And now we got to read too?”

“No, no, Martell, I do the reading.” The flustered host did not address Webster’s other concerns. “Shall we get started?” He pulled out his well-worn copy of the Kalevala, Finland’s national epic. Surprisingly, the basketball players only mumbled a bit before sitting down with their glasses of Kilju and waiting for their teammate to begin. Gooden cleared his voice and began.

“In primeval times, a maiden,
Beauteous Daughter of the Ether,
Passed for ages her existence
In the great expanse of heaven…”

He read. And read. Caught up in the beauty of his heritage, he did not notice his teammates sneak out, their actions hidden by the darkened room and by the earnestness of the speaker.

“…Thus our hero, Wainamoinen,
Thus the wonderful enchanter
Was delivered from his mother,
Ilmatar, the Ether’s daughter.”

Having finished the first section, Drew looked up, greeted only by the smiling face of Kris Humphries, who was listening intently. Shrugging, the host continued his reading.

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