“Bae, I thought you knew what you were doing!” whined Nerlens Noel’s girlfriend, Moniqua, who was lying naked next to a similarly-naked and similarly-frustrated Nerlens. “So did I,” he mumbled through gritted teeth. “But girls don’t come with instructions.” Moniqua sighed. “I told you bae, it goes down there right between my legs.” Nerlens ignored…
Read MoreMonth: June 2015
Andre Drummond All 166 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)
Andre Drummond and Brandon Jennings relaxed on Brandon’s couch. Remote in hand, Andre flipped through TV channels listlessly, hoping to find something worth watching. “I told you, we should just watch ESPN,” Brandon complained. “Maybe they’ll talk about us.” Andre shook his head. “ESPN blows. I’m not the brightest guy but even I can tell…
Read MoreJ.R. Smith 19 Points/1 Lost Championship Full Highlights (6/16/2015)
DownToBuck has a bedtime. It is a very important bedtime. However, watching the last game of the Finals is more important, so I stayed up. And then J.R. Smith came along and made the game take like ten minutes longer than it needed to. Now I’m all groggy this morning. If the last minute of…
Read MoreJabari Parker All 129 Field Goals Full Highlights (2014-2015 Rookie Season Bucketilation Part II)
(Feb. 16, 2015) Well, we traded for that guy MCW. Brandon Knight visited before he left for Phoenix. We hugged but I was smiling inside because he never passed me the ball. I would have averaged 20 if he could look at anything other than the basket. Last night I had another dream about Grant…
Read MoreJabari Parker All 129 Field Goals Full Highlights (2014-2015 Rookie Season Bucketilation Part I)
(Dec. 16, 2014) Dear diary, I can’t believe it. I was playing better and better every day and then my knee just gives out on me. The MRI results just came back and it confirms what everybody thought: my ACL is all blown up. When I got the news I threw up all over the…
Read MoreTristan Thompson 19 Points Full Highlights (6/14/2015)
I don’t even know who the Cavs’ second-best player in the Finals is. It seems like it’s Tristan Thompson, but the words “Tristan Thompson is the second-best player on a Finals team” have kind of a blasphemous ring to them. Just typing them out makes me feel like Lucifer himself is going to pop out…
Read MoreLeandro Barbosa 13 Points Full Highlights (6/14/2015)
Now is a good time to remember that Leandro Barbosa was once actually one of the NBA’s premier three-point shooters. It was almost a decade ago, but just because something happened a long time ago doesn’t mean we shouldn’t remember it. That’s what my history teacher told me. He was talking about the Native American…
Read MoreHassan Whiteside All 86 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)
It’s not like you need any more reasons to trust DTB’s opinions when it comes to basketball, but DTB has another one for you anyway: I was seriously hyped for Hassan Whiteside BEFORE he was signed by the Heat. Yep, that’s right. I knew that Whiteside would be a stud in the NBA if he…
Read MoreAndre Iguodala 22 Points Full Highlights (6/11/2015)
Andre Iguodala got his first start of the whole season…in the Finals. He also scored his season-high. Who can we thank for Iggy’s marvelous performance, besides Iggy himself? Perhaps Steve Kerr? No. Coaching doesn’t matter in the NBA. The real answer is Andrew Bogut. That gigantic Aussie is the single person most responsible for Iguodala’s…
Read MoreTimofey Mozgov Career High 28 Points Full Highlights (6/11/2015)
Yeah, yeah, Timofey Mozgov gets a career high, Warriors tie the Finals at two apiece, whatever. Nobody cares. There’s bigger things to talk about. I’m talking about the Ersan Ilyasova trade if you couldn’t figure it out. Honestly, DTB is not too bummed about this development. From a basketball standpoint, Ilyasova was never going to…
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