Jahlil Okafor just kind of turned Karl-Anthony Towns into his own personal bitch tonight, didn’t he? Do I sense a sweet description incoming?
Yeah, nah. Don’t really feel like writing any vaguely homoerotic domination stuff right now. These highlights speak for themselves, anyway. I don’t want to overreact, but this right here is the reason why the Timberwolves made a huge mistake going with Towns as the first overall pick. Too late! I’m overreacting, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me!
I would even go so far as to say that Towns should retire after his embarrassing performance tonight. How could he have a future in this league after such a lackluster outing? There is no way. Bundle him up in a shipping crate, and send him on the next flight to Alaska. I hear that there are some rural elementary schools up there that need a gym teacher and where they’ve never even heard of the NBA.
Meanwhile, Jahlil should demand a trade, RIGHT NOW, to the Golden State Warriors, before its too late and he loses any more games. Once there, he can win a chip as the offensive centerpiece, finally and fully removed from the malodorous reek of Philadelphia and its disgusting cheesesteaks. An MVP may be in order after this, not to mention all the other minor awards, hell, we can give those out now, why wait? We have seen the dawning of a new age of the NBA, nay, all of Western civilization, an age to be known by historians as “Pax Jahlilus”.