If it turns out that Jae Crowder’s dreadlocks are indeed shorter than they were during the regular season, which the photographic and videographic evidence clearly indicates, then I officially demand a refund. I want my money back. I didn’t pay the big bucks so I could watch inferior dreadlocks on display. Crowder’s are still among the best in the business in terms of deep color, luscious softness, and impeccable maintenance, but they are too short for my liking. This was not part of the deal. I paid for dreadlocks that would get longer and more caressable in perpetuity. I did not pay for dreadlocks whose length would be terminated without my express permission.
The simpletons who comprise the majority of the NBA fanbase probably don’t even care about the state of Crowder’s hair. They only care about things like “wins”, “stats”, and “basketball”. I don’t care about any of that stuff. The Spurs-Warriors series is where I get my fix of those things. When I turn on a Cavs-Celtics game, I expect a large amount of thick, erotic hair strands. And right now, the NBA is not delivering on that expectation.
Does anybody want to be my lawyer when I sue the NBA’s ass?