No exaggeration, Jahlil Okafor made Karl-Anthony Towns his bitch tonight. Just straight up abused him, repeatedly. I’ve been told that KAT is learning how to play defense this season; that claim has now been revealed to be a dirty, devious lie, a blatant fabrication to get him into the All-Star game. It worked, but you’d…
Read MoreMonth: January 2018
Nikola Jokic Triple Double 11 Pts/16 Rebs/11 Asts Full Highlights (1/27/2018)
Nikola Jokic went about 2.5 quarters in a row without scoring the single, solitary point he needed for the “points” component of his usual triple-double. Even as he acquired the other stats with ease, he stubbornly refused to score. I spent most of that time yelling at my stream, telling the other Nuggets to stop…
Read MoreLance Stephenson 21 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (1/27/2018)
Lance “Sorry Tommy” Stephenson just set a season-high in both points and assists in this game, helping the Pacers surge back from a huge deficit to steal a win from the Magic. The Magic might be total sewer trash, but this was still a gritty performance from a team that maybe lost some of its…
Read MoreBoban Marjanovic 14 Points Full Highlights (1/27/2018)
The Pistons are kinda sorta imploding right now. They’re 8 and 19 since December, and while this isn’t a full-scale Cavs-esque locker-room brawl kind of implosion, you can tell that not all is as it should be. So what’s the deal? You thought you knew what I was going to propose as a solution, and…
Read MoreEnes Kanter 20 Points Full Highlights (1/26/2018)
Oops! Almost forgot to do this Enes Kanter video. Oops part two: and I almost forgot to show him beefing it up with Devin Booker after decisively rejecting his weaksauce layup attempt. I have to say, what’s up with Kanter and beefing with people? He loves playing the role of the antagonist. Not as confrontational…
Read MoreJarrett Allen 12 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (1/26/2018)
You know, I’m a Bucks fan, but I would have been totally okay with Jarrett Allen dropping a twenty-burger on us, even if it meant we lost. Correction: I would only be okay with it if Allen dunked the ball six or more times. If he scored twenty points by way of layups (“LAME-ups”), then…
Read MoreDenzel Valentine 16 Points Full Highlights (1/26/2018)
Zach “Stole Aaron Gordon’s Dunk Contest Trophy” LaVine is back in the Bulls lineup (with a sick 3-of-17 shooting display last night), but Denzel Valentine’s minutes didn’t see too much of a hit because Kris Dunn is out with something called a “cunt cushion”. While Dunn recovers from having his brain turned into cottage cheese,…
Read MoreDomantas Sabonis 17 Points Full Highlights (1/26/2018)
Domantas Sabonis has already surpassed his field goal total from last season by a significant amount, and we’re only in the month of January. After making 192 field goals all of last season, he’s made 233 this season, in 400 fewer minutes of court time. This disparity seems too large to chalk up entirely to…
Read MoreJarell Martin 17 Points Full Highlights (1/26/2018)
The one and only time I got hyped for Jarell Martin was when he first appeared on my channel in March of 2016. At that time he represented the unknown: he had played sparingly in the first half of that season, inactive for large stretches and getting DNP’s even when he was on the active…
Read MoreTaurean Prince 21 Points Full Highlights (1/26/2018)
Most teams in the NBA have a “big three” or something close to it. At a minimum they have a “big two”, meaning they have two players who are both part of the long-term plans of the team and have at least fringe All-Star potential. My entire life revolves me attempting to determine the “big…
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