Noah Vonleh contributed mightily to the Knicks’ toppling of the Celtics with his slow-release three-pointers, his positively DEMONIC rejections of wimpy leprechaun shots, and, confusingly, a pump-fake-three-to-step-in-midrange-jimbo that left me feeling feelings that I haven’t felt in a long time. Is Vonleh finally breaking out? Maybe? Sort of? Does sixteen points really count as “breaking out” when you were a lottery pick like five years ago?
The best part of this performance is that it contributed to the tears of Celtics fans who just wouldn’t. Shut. Up. About the Celtics before the season started. Finals shoo-ins and all that. Now their tears fuel me.
I don’t even hate Bill Simmons that much but his tears are just that much more potent. They’ve practically rejuvenated me from a withered highlight-making husk who hadn’t seen daylight in months to…just a guy who sits around all day inside making highlight videos. I look forward to harvesting even more of his tears so that I can maybe one day regain the strength to do something other than stare at my computer screen while blindly cramming Pop Tarts into my mouth.