OFFICIAL THINGS ENES KANTER BRINGS TO THE TRAILBLAZERS POWER RANKINGS 1. Offensive rebounds. Enes Kanter is a rebounding machine, and his machine-like rebounding is especially noticeable on the offensive end of the ball. If you were to put him and, say, John Henson in the same gym together and had them battle for rebounds, Kanter…
Read MoreMonth: February 2019
Boban Marjanovic 19 Points Full Highlights (2/21/2019)
Hopefully I’m early enough to the party to be the first to ask the question that a few outside-the-box thinkers were maybe already pondering: do the 76ers even need Joel Embiid? ???????? Okay, I just thought about it a bit (that’s what those question marks were indicating, my deep and detailed thought processes), and my…
Read MoreNerlens Noel 22 Points Full Highlights (2/14/2019)
Nerlens Noel’s per-36 stats this season: 13/12/1.5/2.5/3.5. Also almost 6 fouls, but when you’re getting those kind of defensive numbers, you live with a few fouls. Those steals aren’t going to steal themselves. I doubt I’m the only one who didn’t realize that the Thunder basically have a walking five-by-five coming off the bench in…
Read MoreTerrence Ross 21 Points Full Highlights (2/14/2019)
I don’t get it. The Magic have won five straight now (some of them, like this one, being blowouts), and it’s not like they beat up on bottom-of-the-barrel teams to do it: -Timberwolves -Bucks -Hawks -Pelicans -Hornets Did trading for Markelle Fultz unlock some secret motivation inside the Magic players? Did trading Jonathon Simmons away…
Read MoreKadeem Allen 14 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (2/14/2019)
I debated whether or not I should make this video for Kadeem “The Deem” Allen. The deciding factor was not the fourteen points (which looks absolutely pathetic and worthless next to the 25 points he scored two games ago), but the nine assists, which is a lot for somebody who I don’t think is ever…
Read MoreJonathan Isaac 16 Points Full Highlights (2/14/2019)
If there are any females out there (there might not be), does Jonathan Isaac not totally look like the ideal male mate for a lonely Valentine’s Day? His facial expression just screams “I’m an innocent young man ready to be shown the way by an experienced lady and have my youthful naivete snatched away from…
Read MoreDewayne Dedmon 21 Points Full Highlights (2/14/2019)
OFFICIAL NICKNAMES FOR DEWAYNE DEDMON POWER RANKINGS 1. Judge Dedd 2. Cacodedmon 3. Jumpin’ Jehovah 4. Dewaynemaker 5. Fountains of Dewayne 6. The Dedmoniac [POWER GAP] 9001. Forehead Wrinkle Man 9002. Old Kevin Durant 9003. Dewayne Dedmon
Read MoreJohn Jenkins 14 Points Full Highlights (2/14/2019)
I haven’t made a John Jenkins highlight video for three and a half years. I also haven’t really thought about John Jenkins in that amount of time, but he’s always been lurking back there in the deep, disturbed depths of my brain. Half-thought fragments like “John Jenkins could still be good” and “John Jenkins could…
Read MoreMitchell Robinson 14 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
It was a real pleasure to watch Mitchell Robinson turn Joel Embiid into his bitch by dunking on him, layupping on him, and blocking his weak layups attempts. Not only did Robinson make Embiid wear a bitch diaper, but he made Embiid poop in the bitch diaper, and then he made Embiid eat the poop…
Read MoreMalik Beasley 21 Points/1 Ejection Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
It’s much more fun to imagine Malik Beasley getting ejected for straight-up punching a ref, or straight-up punching a fan, or straight-up punching Michael Beasley (where is he now, is he even on a team?????), or straight-up punching anybody else in the arena, including himself, than to know how he actually got ejected. Ready for…
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