As Luguentz Dort raises his level of prominence in the NBA from “dude with a funny name” to “dude with a funny name WHO CAN PLAY”, a previously unimportant question is now similarly rising in importance: which contraction of Dort’s first name is the most appropriate?
“L”: Pronounced “ell”, this extremely short contraction is perfect for people who are either too lazy or too dumb to handle more than one letter.
“Lu”: This one has been gaining traction because it’s the shortest and easiest to say. However, when you say it out loud, it sounds like you’re saying “Lou” as in Lou Williams. Dort’s name is not Lou. Still, this one has appeal.
“Lug”: This one loses points because it is pronounced differently than it is written. Instead of pronouncing it “lug” as in “lug nut”, you would pronounce this one “loog”, which sounds like a shortened version of “loogie”. Gross.
“Lugu”: Dort’s name is pronounced “Lu-GENTS” with a hard G (I think), so you wouldn’t stick an extra “U” sound in there. The U is silent. I just said it out loud and it sounds stupid. Loogoo? Loogoo?
“Lugue”: Like “Lug”, this would be pronounced “loog”, but at least the pronunciation and the spelling match up. This is on my short list of finalists.
“Luguent”: This barely counts as a contraction since it’s the same amount of consonants as the original. If you’re gonna say this one you might as well say his whole name.
“Luguentz”: Like “Luguent” but with a fun Z at the end for maximum funness and coolness. Honestly, this is the winner. From now on I will call Dort by the name “Luguentz” and if anybody has a problem with it, they can kiss my skinny white ass.