OFFICIAL REASONS TO MAKE THIS VIDEO POWER RANKINGS 1. Everybody loves Michael Porter Jr. and they will watch anything that has the words “Michael Porter Jr.” in the title of the video. I know this is true because I took a video of me making fart noises with my armpits, titled “Michael Porter Jr. 15…
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Jusuf Nurkic 20 Points Full Highlights (8/24/2020)
Jusuf Nurkic scored 10 of the first 12 points for the Blazers. All good, right? WRONG! It would have been fine, I guess, for Nurkic to take over the bulk of the scoring duties for his team early in the game, except that the Lakers dropped 30 points while he was doing so, leaving Portland…
Read MoreMyles Turner 22 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (8/24/2020)
You know what would be the saddest thing ever? If Myles Turner befriended a family of ducks while in Orlando and now he has to leave really quickly (because eliminated teams have to be out of the bubble within 24 hours), but now he’s running around the entire bubble looking for the ducks so he…
Read MoreEric Gordon 23 Points Full Highlights (8/24/2020)
Eric Gordon, prior to tonight, had not been a good shooter in the Rockets-Thunder series. At all. 4-of-26 from three? According to my math (which is actually just me hitting random buttons in Windows’ built-in calculator while sobbing), that’s 15%. That is straight up booty. Not only is that straight up booty, that is straight…
Read MoreDanuel House 21 Points Full Highlights (8/24/2020)
Some buzzer-beaters echo through history, their buzzer-beateriness having ramifications on the fortunes of teams even decades after the ball swished through the net. These are the shots that are replayed again and again, each time causing viewers to think: “What if? What if that shot hadn’t gone in?” These are the shots that you point…
Read MoreMarkelle Fultz 15 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (8/24/2020)
I just can’t pass up opportunities to make Sixers’ fans’ lives even more dismal than they already are after the Celtics swept them right out of the playoffs and right out of The Bubb. That’s why now is a perfect time to note that Markelle Fultz would have been a useful addition to the Sixers’…
Read MoreJordan Clarkson 24 Points Full Highlights (8/23/2020)
After this win, which puts them up 3-1 in the series, it’s looking likely that the Jazz will advance to the next round of the ‘offs. I admit, I did not see this coming. There’s been weird stuff going on with them all season, from Mike Conley metaphorically disappearing to Rudy Gobert getting the whole…
Read MoreMatt Thomas 12 Points Full Highlights (8/23/2020)
I don’t think anybody actually realized it, but it was the battle of the Thomases this game, with the Raptors’ Matt Thomas going up against… Wait, you actually thought I was gonna tell you which Thomas represented the Nets in this battle? Not so fast. I’m turning this into a quiz. I’m going to make…
Read MoreSerge Ibaka 27 Points Full Highlights (8/23/2020)
Serge “Ibaka Gaijin” Ibaka this game: 27 points, 13-of-14 from the field, 2 blocks, 20 minutes of on-court action, 28 minutes of lounging around on the bench thinking about who he’ll have guest on his next YouTube video. Ibaka is a matchup problem even against teams with depth. Against a team like the Nets, who…
Read MoreNorman Powell 29 Points Full Highlights (8/23/2020)
With this game, Norman Powell raised his shooting percentage in the Raptors’ first-round series against the Nets to a blistering 60.5%. That’s pretty nuts for a guard-sized player, and that’s EVEN MORE NUTS for a player who has been deemed unworthy of a starting role on his team. He also averaged 17.5 PPG per game…
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