Joe “Wonderbread” Harris’ ability to run off screens and shoot threes is one of the best in the league. No one has noticed and if they have they don’t really care, but I think it’s cool. He’s like a white Wayne Ellington. Now seems like a good time to re-emphasize my point that Harris could…
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C.J. Miles 21 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
I was doing some more research on C.J. Miles the Instagram model, not C.J. Miles the Toronto Raptor because he’s not nearly as pretty as she is, he basically looks like a goblin with several congenital birth defects compared to her for real, and I got to thinking about stuff. First thing I thought was…
Read MoreJarell Martin 17 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
Jarell Martin is a throwback to a (better????) different time of the NBA, when power forwards didn’t have to stretch the floor or handle the ball, when all they had to do was be beefy and go after rebounds like it was their baby falling out of a second-story window. Sure, Martin shoots some jumpers…
Read MoreEnes Kanter 20 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
I should’ve just stopped this video after the first quarter. Enes Kanter had 14 points in that period, was pretty much dominating all the weak little baby-men that were tasked with guarding his brute Turkish strength, and then he hit one more shot after that and none more in the second half. A Knicks fan…
Read MoreMike Scott 18 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
Here’s the deal: expert NBA watchers will note the existence of certain “advanced” stats, which are like regular stats but extremely esoteric and nearly impossible to understand. One of these “advanced” stats is something called “effective field goal percentage”, which, as far as I can discern, bears a resemblance to regular field goal percentage (which…
Read MoreSteven Adams 21 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
I’m going to list the statlines of the Thunder starters and you tell me who you think is the real MVP of the team and who is overrated bum trash: -Paul “Lies to the People of Oklahoma About Liking it There” George: 13 points, 5 of 14 shooting. -Russell “Statpadsell Chuckbrook” Westbrook: 19 points, 8…
Read MoreDarius Miller 17 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
The Pelicans’ commentators didn’t mention it during this game that I heard, but they’ve mentioned it in the past: Darius Miller’s shot is flat AF. Like Chandler Parsons levels of flat. So flat that I wonder how those line drives ever go into the rim. Is that the shot he dominated Germany with, leading his…
Read MoreJohn Collins 18 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
How do real-life Southerners feel about John Collins’ nickname of “John the Baptist”? On one hand, it’s a hella rad nickname because it references Collins’ proclivity for putting dudes on posters with his wiry, high-flying whamjams. One the other hand, it trivializes an important figure of Christianity, sort of an implicit “Christianity’s not that important…
Read MoreMichael Kidd-Gilchrist 21 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
I’ve come up with a new definition for the word “bust”, one that we can all agree on: if you are a top-five pick but you don’t score thirty points in a single game at any point in your career, you are a bust, UNLESS you do one of the following things: -Average 9 assists…
Read MoreMilos Teodosic 15 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
Last night was the highly-anticpated meeting between the old school of Serbian basketball, Milos Teodosic, and the new school of Serbian basketball, Nikola Jokic. Who came out ahead in this matchup? Through my analytical analysis of factual facts, I will determine who the victor was in this Serb Showdown. POINTS: Jokic had 18 points. Teodosic…
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