Yeah, yeah, Timofey Mozgov gets a career high, Warriors tie the Finals at two apiece, whatever. Nobody cares. There’s bigger things to talk about. I’m talking about the Ersan Ilyasova trade if you couldn’t figure it out. Honestly, DTB is not too bummed about this development. From a basketball standpoint, Ilyasova was never going to…
Read MoreKlay Thompson All 239 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Three-ilation Part II)
“Took you long enough,” Steve said coolly. “But you are still too late. This cursed phylactery will never again claim the soul of another player.” “It’s not too late!” Stephen shouted from the sideline. “I need it! We need it! The team needs it! Isn’t that what a coach wants? To win?” Steve shook his…
Read MoreKlay Thompson All 239 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Three-ilation Part I)
Klay Thompson was awakened by a hushed discussion outside his bedroom door. “Not so fast, Steph.” That voice sounded like Steve Kerr’s. There was an inaudible response. “Steph, please listen to me. You have to let me take it, you have to let me destroy it. Its power is too great.” “I’m taking the amulet…
Read MoreHarrison Barnes All 66 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation)
“Yo, Iggy, you know how I was talking about getting a pet? Well, you won’t believe what I picked out,” Harrison said, smiling into his iPhone. “I don’t know, a chihuahua,” responded Andre Iguodala’s voice. “No dude, an iguana! And guess what his name was at the store?” “Uh, Scaly McLizard?” “Iggy! Just like you,…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan All 252 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation Part II)
After enduring a long day of testing, DeAndre returned to his room. Of the innumerable solutions the aliens had concocted, none had improved his jumpshot or his ball-handling in any appreciable way. Moreover, they left his muscles sore and his head cloudy. It was so difficult to focus on the plans he had been making…
Read MoreDeAndre Jordan All 252 Dunks Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Dunkilation Part I)
DeAndre Jordan awoke in an unfamiliar room. His luxurious bedding at home had been replaced by a tough cot. Outside his window sailed endless pinpoints of light that could only be stars. Before he could do any more than register these facts, he was faced with what must have been some kind of alien. Surprised,…
Read MoreFestus Ezeli 12 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (5/27/2015)
For a playoffs where I made a bunch of highlights of Clint Capela, highlights where he failed to score even 10 points, there sure was a lack of comparable Festus Ezeli vids. No one even likes Capela! I totally would have done one when he scored 10 points in game 3, but I was out…
Read MoreJason Terry 16 Points Full Highlights (5/27/2015)
Jason Terry, with the rest of his Rockets teammates, sat morosely in the locker room, not speaking. They knew that this was the end of their season. How could they forget? The time had now come. With no more basketball left to be played, there was no reason to postpone the inevitable. Grabbing the white…
Read MoreDraymond Green 21 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (5/25/2015)
What I want is for Draymond Green to get paid a max contract by the Pistons in the offseason. That’s what I want. Why do I want that? Because we will get to see how Draymond fits into a system where Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson AKA “The Splash Bros” get replaced by Brandon Jennings…
Read MoreKyle Korver All 221 Three-Pointers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Three-ilation Part II)
The story so far: I met a chick at Dunkin Donuts who was so hot and persistent that she made me break my vow to never again form relations with a woman. We went to my apartment and started watching Dude Where’s My Car. I took a pee break and when I came back she…
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